Narcissists want nothing but success, no matter what it costs you or even themselves.
They treat life like a game and play it to win. So, a breakup is not a desirable outcome for a narcissist in a relationship. When you part ways with them and move on, it’s not something that a narcissist will take it lying down. They feel that only they have the right to dump you and not vice versa.
This may sound unfair and even scary. But that is what life with a narcissist is all about. So, don’t expect the narcissist to allow you to walk away from them without creating a racket.
How do narcissists feel when you move on?
A narcissist’s immediate reaction would be to make you feel guilty and pull you back into the relationship. Don’t bother thinking that they are taking this much interest in you because they are in love with you and are missing you. Narcissists are after all narcissists. They cannot love anyone else other than themselves.
The narcissist will go to any lengths to draw you back into the relationship because they don’t want you to leave them. They feel it as a slap on their face. They may even dump you the very next day. To them, you are their narcissistic supply. A narcissist always wants to be in control and have the last laugh.
If you don’t want to get caught in a tug-of-war with the narcissist, you need to plan your breakup well and in advance. Pack your things and leave before the narcissist gets wind of the situation. Keep your whereabouts a secret. If need be, stay away for a week or two until things cool down. You can expect the worst reaction from the narcissist when he realizes you no longer care.
This article will help you understand the feelings and thought processes of a person with NPD when you move on. Knowing this in advance will help you prepare well for the situation. Mind it, these are no empty threats. The narcissist will stop at nothing to get you back.
How do narcissists feel when you move on?
Not just people with NPD, everyone will feel hurt and slighted when their partner breaks up with them. A person will feel it as their failure when their partner leaves them and moves on. This is more so if the partner has found someone to replace them.
A normal person will eventually come to terms with the situation and learn to accept it and move on. They may even turn philosophical and say, “What is meant to be will be; What isn’t meant to be won’t.”
But things don’t work the same way when your partner is narcissistic. When a narcissist sees you looking good and doing well in life after breaking up with them, they will go ballistic.
Let’s see how narcissists feel when you move on after a breakup.
1. They feel insanely angry at you
Your walking out on them creates a huge dent in the ego and self-esteem of a narcissist. They feel exposed and their cover is blown. A narcissist controls and manipulates others, thinking they cannot figure out their devious schemes and underhand tactics.
When you walk out on them, it is obvious that you have seen them through their mask. It is clear that you no longer believe in their goodness and perfection. This will revive their self-hatred. They will realize that you see them as a flawed person and as bad as everyone else.
When you walk away, you are cutting off their narcissistic supply. For a narcissist, this is essential for survival. When they feel that their survival is at stake, they may go to any lengths to regain their control and superiority. Narcissistic rage may manifest as passive or aggressive and it’s better to plan your escape beforehand.
2. They feel duped and tricked
A narcissist always wants to win. When you break up with them and move on, they feel cheated of the opportunity to be successful in life. And, if at all the relationship should fall apart, the narcissist should be the one to walk away and not you. They feel that only they have the right to end the relationship.
The narcissistic partner would want to have complete control over you, your life, and the relationship. When you broke the news of the breakup and walked out of the relationship without looking back, he will be angry because he couldn’t anticipate this or see it coming. That will be incredibly painful for a narcissist to bear.
As a narcissist treats life as a game to win, when they lose, they will assume that you cheated. From their perspective, you cannot win without cheating. When they realize that they have been blindsided, their thoughts will automatically shift to getting back at you.
3. They want revenge
When you move on, the narcissist will feel slighted and humiliated. Their hurt ego will force them to seek revenge for the shame and disgrace you inflicted on them. Being sly and sneaky, they will cook up plans to take their revenge on you. You can expect the narcissist to come up with dirty tricks and dishonest stunts to get back at you. Social media offers them the perfect platform to manipulate you.
A narcissist is good at hiding their true self from the rest of the world. They may be on their best behavior when other people are around. Except for yourself, no one may be aware of their narcissistic traits. Even your family and friends may think highly of them. And, rest assured, the narcissist will do everything in their capacity to protect and defend their reputation.
A typical move by someone with narcissistic personality disorder after you break up with them is to approach your loved ones with stories about your cheating and toxic behavior. You will be painted as manipulative and controlling and you completely ruined their self-respect. In short, they will accuse you of doing everything that they did to you and expect you to feel guilty about it. Their acting may even win them an Oscar.
You can expect your loved ones to ask you for an explanation about mistreating your partner and abandoning them.
4. They don’t own up to their mistakes
Taking responsibility for their actions is not part of the behavior of someone with narcissistic personality disorder. They will lay all the blame for the breakup at your doorstep and absolve themselves from any part of it. This will be their position with others as well as with themselves. They will firmly believe themselves to be the victim in this whole fiasco.
Even when they behave badly or ill-treat you, it is because you triggered them. If only you had taken their advice, you wouldn’t have made the stupid mistake. They screamed at you only because you didn’t pay heed to their words. They will link up every one of their wrongful action and behavior to you.
Everything wrong in the relationship will become your fault. In other words, to bring about a change in the relationship, you need to change. They think that by repeating such words often, you can be brainwashed into believing that you were the one at fault. They expect you to come back begging to be forgiven and taken back. When you don’t beg and plead, they will feel enraged.
Final thoughts on the feelings of a narcissist when someone moves on
A person with narcissistic personality disorder will come up with all kinds of promises to get you back. They will promise to change their ways while insisting that you are the one who made the mistake. As part of their strategy to get you back, they will do everything to make you feel guilty. If you manage to escape from them, they will stalk you on social media platforms until you surrender.
In the worst-case scenario, the narcissist may even attack and malign the reputation of your new partner. Again, social media is quite handy for them for this purpose. You can expect a good fight from the narcissist when you walk away from them. In a way, this will serve as an ego boost to them and help in repairing some of the damage you caused them by walking out on them.
A narcissist will chase you to help them feel better rather than actually want you back in their lives. Neither are they sorry for their mistakes nor believe they made mistakes.
Don’t let the narcissist continue to manipulate and control you any longer. Run as far away as your legs will carry you!