A narcissist marriage or relationship is not like a regular one. The power the narcissist has over you is terrifyingly real.
For this reason, dumping a person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder is anything but easy. It can make the pain and suffering you are already enduring worse for you. If you are planning to leave a partner suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder or have just left one recently, read on. You need to be well-prepared for the onslaught of anger and rage from him.
Dumping a covert narcissist is the worst thing you can inflict on him. When you leave him, you are hurting him where it hurts the most – his ego. The ego is something that makes a narcissist a narcissist. And you’re cutting off his narcissistic supply. He will not tolerate this on any account.
When a narcissist realizes they lost you, you can expect them to lash out at you in imaginable and unimaginable ways. This will leave you in much more pain, confusion, fear, and guilt than ever before. He will try every means to hurt you and create chaos in your life. Things may get incredibly nasty and you need to be prepared for the fallout.
Dumping a partner can be painful even in an ordinary relationship. You can expect some sort of anger and retribution from the partner. However, dumping a narcissist triggers an altogether another level of retaliation and trauma.
Since you’re already suffering so much pain and difficulties in the narcissist marriage, all these new hurtful advances from your narcissistic partner can be too much for you to handle. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take this step at all. Just prepare yourself well beforehand.
This article tells you how a narcissist react when he realizes you no longer care. Knowing how does a narcissist react when you dump him, you can plan your strategy in advance to protect yourself from the mindless attack of a recently dumped narcissist.
How does a narcissist react when you dump him?
A narcissist marriage is painful to endure but harder to escape. This becomes all the more difficult if your partner is a covert narcissist. Finally, when you gather the courage to leave your narcissistic partner, the backlash can be terrifying.
Cutting off the narcissistic supply to a person with a narcissistic personality disorder is like depriving a living thing of air to breathe. It becomes a matter of survival for him. He will fight back with every bit of strength he can muster. No tactic is too deceitful or underhanded for a covert narcissist, as that is what makes him who he is.
Let’s see how a narcissist react when you dump him.
1. He sheds crocodile tears and makes false assurances
The main phases of narcissistic abuse are idealization, devaluation, and rejection. It’s during the devaluation phase that you are actually suffering the abuse. When it becomes too unbearable for you, you decide to break free.
When you let your narcissistic partner know that you’re dumping him, instead of retaliating, he may choose to take a step back and go back to the idealization phase. This is when he puts you on a pedestal and worships you. He will be apologetic and regretful, asking for your forgiveness. He will promise to behave well and do better in the future.
This cycle of idealization and devaluation may repeat multiple times during a narcissist marriage. As you are dealing with a covert narcissist, not a word he says is genuine or heartfelt. He is neither apologetic nor remorseful in the real sense. He doesn’t love or cares for you either. All he is concerned about is safeguarding his narcissistic supply.
Don’t fall for his empty words; they come cheap and need not mean anything. It is his behavior and actions that you should focus on. You have already seen how ruthless he can be. People can change but definitely not overnight or in the blink of an eye. If he is changing colors like a chameleon, take it with a pinch of salt.
Those who have reversed their decision to leave based on the crocodile tears and false promises of a covert narcissist will find out sooner rather than later how fake those tears and words were. With this, you are putting yourself through another cycle of narcissistic abuse.
2. He tells you that he was already planning to leave you
He may take this stand to salvage his ego because that is his primary concern. He may want to ensure that his ego remains unhurt during the process as he gets to have the final say.
He may also tell you this to hurt you further. He wants you to think that you’re the one discarded. He knows that this will cause you more pain. This may also put you on the back foot, which in turn will make you agitated and unsettled, forcing you to explain your position to the narcissist. If you do this, your narcissistic partner got you exactly where he wants you.
Instead of walking out on him with your head held high, you find yourself imploring your narcissistic partner to understand your side of the story. Once you go down this path, you won’t be able to stop yourself from pleading and even begging to take you back. In the process, you will end up giving away much more and the narcissist will tighten his grip on you further.
3. He will stalk and badger you
When a narcissist realizes that you’re putting up more resistance to his advances, he will elevate his attack to the next level. He will pursue you relentlessly and make life difficult for you.
A covert narcissist may take this step when they are about to lose control over you. Their existence is at stake when you deny them their narcissistic supply. This kind of behavior is seen more among narcissists who are jealous and control freaks.
How he stalks and harasses you depend on your individual traits and the kind of relationship you share. It can be anything from crying, begging, and haggling to verbal and physical abuse.
When he reacts to your dumping him in this way, you should work on eliminating your fear and bolstering your confidence and courage. You need to realize that you have every right to a life free of fear, intimidation, and harassment.
If nothing else works, you can register a complaint against him or take it up legally.
4. He will batter and punish you
When he sees that you aren’t falling for any of his tricks, he may take out the last arrow in his quiver; he may turn vengeful. He may show you how bad he can be.
When a narcissist decides to unleash his anger and go on an all-out attack on you, you are bound to notice it; there is no escape for you. He may destroy things you consider important and precious. He might force you into a corner, cutting you off from your friends and family. He might even squeeze you dry financially.
In his mad desire to take revenge on you, he will think of all possible ways to hurt you, both emotionally and physically. He may indulge in a smear campaign to malign your reputation. Don’t engage with him, or else he will drag you down with him.
This is the reason it is suggested often for victims to leave their narcissistic partners quietly and quickly without giving them enough time to respond. Plan your approach well, pack your things, and leave before the narcissist wakes up to what you’re up to.
You need to be more careful if your narcissistic partner has a history of violent abuse. Don’t even give him an inkling of what you’re planning. Just up and leave. You can deal with the rest later remotely.
5. He will find a replacement for you fast enough
When he is unsuccessful in luring you back into his web of lies, he will find someone to replace you quickly. He will let the entire world know about his new acquisition, especially you.
While you are still trying to heal and get back on your feet after years of abuse at his hands, he will be back on the dating scene overnight. He will make sure that you know about his new partner and parade her everywhere. You may see their lovey-dovey pictures in exotic locations on his social media handles. He wants to rub it on your face.
Leave it be. Be thankful that it is not you.
As you can see from how a narcissist react when you dump him, it’s not an easy journey toward recovery for you. But you can make it easier by being well-prepared for the step.
When hurt and angry, narcissists know where and how to hit to make you hurt the most. For your part, try not to be in a position where he can hurt you. When you decide to leave, keep away and cut off all ties with him. Surround yourself with love and compassion. Heal your wounds and step into an abuse-free life.