You have put up with the disrespect and abuse for some time now. You are angry and tired of suffering at the hands of a narcissist. So, what is the way out for you?
What if you ignore them? Or, stop chasing them? What will happen when the narcissist realizes you are done? How does a narcissist react when you stop chasing them?
When you stop chasing them or end an abusive relationship, it is not just the rejection of love that causes pain. The hurt ego is harder to handle.
When you stop reaching out to a narcissist or when you stop chasing them, you are directly hurting the narcissist’s ego. Even with a normal person, this can turn out to be a difficult situation to handle. With a narcissistic personality, your action may invite extreme reactions and terrible consequences.
This article delves deep into the mind of a narcissistic personality to understand the implications of ending an abusive relationship with them. Here you will find the common reactions of a narcissistic personality when their ego is hurt by your rejection.
What does a narcissist feel when you stop chasing them?
Unlike a normal person, a narcissist’s happiness is entirely dependent on outside sources. In other words, a narcissist can feel self-respect when they get respect from the people around them. As respect is rarely spelled out in words and usually gauged from the behavior of others, a narcissist mostly uses the love they get as a measure of respect.
In simple words, a narcissist equates love with respect. The more you love and care for them, the more they feel respected and higher their self-respect. So, when you deny them love, you are also denying them respect, thereby bringing down their self-respect.
When a narcissist feels that they are much sought-after, that will do a world of good to their self-respect and boost their ego. In short, they will be happy and content. They are not actually bothered about whether you are in love with them or not, provided you can make them believe so.
It doesn’t even matter if they are in love with you or not or want you in their lives. So as long as you can devote your complete attention to them, you can feed their ego and keep them happy and satisfied.
When you stop chasing them, you are turning away your attention from them, thereby stopping to feed their ego. This means you are denying them happiness, contentment, and even self-respect. Just like a normal person, a narcissist won’t be happy to lose something that they consider theirs.
When you take away something they want, they are bound to feel hurt about it. However, the intensity of this feeling depends mostly on their insecurity, how they view your rejection, and their feelings for you. If they are highly insecure and in love with you, the impact of your actions will be more.
If you can give them a convincing explanation for your disinterest in them without touching their insecurities and ego, you may succeed in reducing the harshness of their reaction to your abandoning them.
If you fail to provide an explanation for your actions, their reactions may vary vastly depending on how they choose to view your rejection. They may assume that you stopped loving them because you found out something undesirable about them. Then, they will hound you and try to convince you otherwise, all the time trying to make you fall in love with them. Or they may give you the silent treatment.
If they feel that you are out to bring them down, they will pay you back in the same coin by trying to defame and devalue you. They may even use social media for this.
Ways a narcissist react when you stop chasing them
It can go either way when you end an abusive relationship with a narcissist. Here are a few common reactions of narcissists when ignored.
1. They begin to flirt with you.
This may surprise most people. All this while, they have tried their best to hurt you and keep you under their control. The moment you walk away, they try to seduce you with the intention of regaining your love. But, their ego won’t allow them to be open about this though.
A narcissist may find it hard to admit that they love you and want you back in their life. Especially since you have decided to walk away from them, they would consider it weak to pursue you. Appearing desperate for your love and attention is the last thing they would want at this juncture.
Despite all these constraints, a narcissist would still flirt with you with the intention of getting you back.
2. They start to show off.
We tend to consider showing off as a sign of aloofness and arrogance. But in reality, people show off when they want your love, admiration, and acceptance. You can understand this by watching their behavior closely. They always tend to show off in front of people they care about and not all.
When a narcissist finds out about your abandonment, they may use this tactic to regain your love and admiration. In their mind, by showing off, they can convince you about their good qualities such as attractiveness and greatness.
3. They start loving you.
Until you walked away, a narcissist probably was using you to serve their narcissistic needs. However, your bold move has opened their eyes to the fact that they cannot live without you and want you in their life. The more you deny a narcissist something they think they want, the more they want that.
Moreover, when a narcissist feels that you don’t love them anymore, they will try to understand the reason for your change of mind. Thoughts about you will be constantly occupying their mind, ultimately leading to them getting addicted to you. This will result in them developing an emotional attachment to you. This depends mostly on their attachment style as well.
4. They lash out at you.
This is an eventuality you need to be prepared for when deciding to walk out on a narcissist. Because, more often than not, it will come to this. Even if they try one of the other reactions, when they cannot find success with them, a narcissist will come to the conclusion that the relationship you shared with them is beyond retrieval. That is when they decide to lash out and devalue you.
A full-blown direct attack by a narcissist is really harsh to endure. When someone hurts their ego, they will go all-out to attack this person. They may consider this option as their first reaction or try others and come to this when they fail. They will devote all their energy to hurting you and devaluing you.
The harshness of their lashing out will be more if they tried other approaches and failed. For instance, if they tried flirting with you and you rejected the advances, a narcissist will feel more hurt than ever.
Before deciding to stop chasing a narcissist and ending the abusive relationship, you should think through how you will deal with their reactions. Or else, you are bound to get caught in their efforts to bring you back into their fold. Because a narcissist hates losing and losing a victim they used to feed their ego is the worst kind of loss for them.
The best approach for you in this situation is to completely sever ties with them. Maintaining a no-contact policy can help you overcome the onslaught. Desist from adding drama to the situation and be careful about who you are confiding in.
Having a good understanding of narcissistic behavior and people with narcissistic personality disorder can be helpful. No matter what, stand your ground firmly. This too shall pass.
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- Signs You Are Married to a Narcissist
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- How to Take Control Away from a Narcissist
- What to Do When a Narcissist Cheats on You?
- Why a Narcissist Worries After Discarding You
- How to Make a Narcissist Miserable