Love at first sight. Chemistry in a relationship. Rekindle romance in a marriage.
We hear these ideas being bandied about a lot about that beautiful deep connection of love, affection, and respect that two human beings come across in their lifetime.
Are they figments of the colorful imaginations of the overzealously romantic minds?
Or is there any truth that they actually do exist?
This article explores the existence of chemistry in a relationship and how to find the spark and kindle it.
What do we mean by chemistry in a relationship?
The chemistry with someone can be best described as the emotion experienced by the two people in a relationship. In the early stages of a romantic relationship, it is the chemistry that convinces us that we are compatible with and meant for each other. In common parlance, we use the word “click”.
You meet many people in your lifetime but intuitively have this wonderful feeling for just one special person. That is chemistry. It is that compelling feeling to meet the person again and get to know them better.
Chemistry is the feeling that gives us the green signal to go ahead with the association and take the next step to develop it into something more than a casual acquaintance or even friendship. It is the emotion that tells us that this person has the potential to be someone special in our lives.
How important is it to have chemistry in a relationship?
Chemistry is as vital to a successful relationship as the air we breathe is for our survival. Without that special spark, a relationship is difficult to last in the long run.
However, not all relationships begin with great romantic chemistry. Many relationships are formed on the foundation of trust, mutual respect, and understanding. As the romantic connection develops, the feeling we call great chemistry is sure to develop. Or else, the relationship will start disintegrating and reach a premature end.
Many couples who have stayed together for decades consider compatibility is more important than sexual chemistry. They argue that chemistry can come and go based on personality traits and moods. It is the ability to understand and adjust to each other that is more important.
There is some truth in this. You may not feel chemistry at the beginning of a relationship or later on for short periods. Giving up on a relationship due to poor chemistry would be foolhardy. Sometimes, it takes time to develop. Or else, you can work on it and make it happen.
“Either you have it or you don’t” – Is this true for chemistry?
This is not entirely true. Having insane chemistry is always helpful in a long-term relationship. Love at first sight or something similar experienced in the beginning can be the starting point for lifelong bonding. However, this is not an essential component of a connection throughout its existence.
You can develop chemistry later on and build it up with romantic love, dedication, and hard work. A relationship can survive without chemistry for short intervals but for the connection to survive the ravages of time, it should exist most of the time or at least some points of time.
Is it possible to create chemistry in a relationship?
A relationship can happen out of the blue for myriad reasons. Two people can end up spending a lifetime with each other for reasons as varied as trust and respect, physical attraction, sexual attraction, and financial stability. This doesn’t mean they will never experience chemistry in their life together.
Initially, they may have given more importance to other aspects of the relationship over chemistry. Or they may have been too preoccupied to notice it. As they start living together and get to know each other well, emotional chemistry is bound to develop.
Ways to improve the chemistry in a relationship
When you feel the lack or insufficient level of chemistry in the relationship, all you need to do is pay attention to certain aspects of the connection to bring it into existence and build on it.
Here are some failsafe methods to build chemistry in your relationship.
1. Give it some time
Giving up on your relationship for lack of chemistry is nothing but silly and absurd. As said earlier, not all romantic relationships begin with incredible chemistry or would have it all the time. The key is patience and readiness to put in hard work.
If you are at the beginning of a relationship, allow yourself a few dates to see where it takes you. You could feel a strong physical attraction to the other person because you could see something special. Spend some time together and see how the emotional connection develops.
You may feel the absence of chemistry after spending a few years together. This is too common in a relationship. Once you settle down in life together, it is easy to take each other for granted and allow the complacency to set in.
A good relationship is 99% hard work and 1% chemistry. It is a proven fact that strong, long-lasting, and healthy relationships require constant attention and lots of hard work.
It is easy to give up on something but hard to make it work.
2. Spend time apart
As the saying goes, the distance makes hearts grow fonder. There is some truth in this. When you feel chemistry is absent and things are going downhill in your relationship, take a time-out.
A strong relationship doesn’t imply that the partners spend all their time together like conjoined twins. You will ultimately get on each other’s nerves and make life miserable for each other. Instead of carrying on ignoring the situation, the better idea would be to pause the relationship and take a break from it.
The time apart can help you realize how important your partner is to you. Don’t rush back to each other just yet. Wait for the feeling to gain momentum to such an extent that you feel staying apart is torture and is killing you.
This is a surefire way to rekindle the chemistry.
3. Look for humor
Humor is one of the vital links in a relationship. The ability to view situations in the same humorous way, to share a joke, or to laugh together can bring people closer in a relationship.
When you feel there is no spark in the relationship and your hearts have drifted apart, one thing that can bring you closer to your partner is humor. Humor is the part of a person’s life that will remain unchanged.
If you found common ground with your partner on humor before, the chances are high that you will find it again. At least it is worth a try.
4. Don’t over-think
All long-term relationships go through ups and downs. There is no “up” without “down” and vice versa. As soon as you feel a decrease in intensity in your relationship, don’t go overboard and assume the worst.
Obsessive thinking is the death-knell of relationships. The more you think and analyze the smallest of problems, be sure that they will grow into bigger ones. Once it goes past a certain limit, you may even not be able to do anything about it.
Trying to find the intention and meaning behind every single word or action will kill the relationship even before it started. Instead, invest the time in getting to know each other by spending time together and engaging in activities that both find interesting.
5. Get out of your comfort zone
There is a reason why it is called the comfort zone. It requires minimal effort, thinking, and input on your part. In other words, this means being lazy, easy-going, and complacent.
But we know where it can get us. Nowhere good for sure. When you feel that your relationship is headed the wrong way and you are at a loss figuring out what you missed and where you went wrong, look no further. Complacency is a relationship killer beyond doubt.
Do things preferably together that take you out of your comfort zone. If you are not the adventurous kind, any kind of adventure sport would do, such as skydiving, mountaineering, or trekking. The feeling of vulnerability that these activities bring can act as a reset to your relationship.
6. Pay attention to body language
You can understand a lot about a person by paying attention to their body language. Are they happy, depressed, irritated, excited, angry, or just plain bored? The body language and facial expressions reveal it all if only you care to look.
Even before things start going wrong in a relationship, you can get an inkling of what is happening by noting the body language of your partner. Then, all you need to do is take pre-emptive action to prevent things from getting worse.
7. Have meaningful conversations
Talking about mundane things all the time can make a relationship dull and boring. Shake it up a bit by having conversations on deeper topics once in a while. This will reveal many unknown aspects about the partner and is a perfectly fine way to get to know each other and reconnect at a deeper level.
It is important to get the consent of your partner before initiating such conversations. What scares you the most? What makes you the happiest? What is the most desirable thing about your partner? What is the one thing that you want to improve in the relationship?
These questions can make you think hard about yourself and your relationship. And it gives you a new perspective about your partner. Having such conversations once in a while is like pushing the refresh button for the relationship.
8. Set aside time to be together
In the mad rush of our daily lives, we often forget to pause and find time for each other in a relationship. This is truer and more relevant as years go by.
You can come up with a hundred excuses for not spending more time together. That is just not the point. If you consider your relationship as an integral part of your life, you need to find time for that. A relationship is not about living in the same place or even having meals together. It is more about being there for each other.
Just spending at least a part of the day in each other’s company can have a huge impact. Maintaining eye contact is a game-changer. If you both feel so, you can sit together in silence doing nothing. The fact that your partner is available and right there near you is reassuring for most people.
9. Recreate the initial days of the relationship
As years wear on, the spark or chemistry in the relationship can diminish or even vanish altogether. The simple trick to bring it back is to go back to the early days of your courtship and recreate those situations. Such as date nights and long walks together.
Make sure you are not disturbed or interrupted during this time together. Stay indoors or go outdoors. Do what you used to do earlier. It is sure to bring back some fond memories and remind you of what made you fall in love with your partner.
10. Stop comparing
A relationship can go down the hill when your expectations and reality do not match. Comparing the present relationship with an earlier one can cause irreparable damage. Just like no two individuals are the same, no two relationships are also not the same.
When you find yourself comparing, ask yourself what you want to achieve with that. If you expect your partner to change their behavior and imitate your ex, it is asking for too much. After all, that was a failed relationship. Why do you want to go the same way now?
The “either you have or not” concept about chemistry in a relationship is simplifying it too much. Chemistry is a highly complex emotion that combines many aspects of a connection such as intimacy, passion, interest, and excitement.
This means a relationship can survive without chemistry for short periods. But if efforts are not made to bring it back and develop it, the relationship is headed for doom.
Just because the relationship started with amazing chemistry also doesn’t mean it will last forever. Retaining intense chemistry in a relationship requires constant effort.
Giving up on a relationship for lack of chemistry would be foolish. Take advantage of the above suggestions to bring back chemistry in your relationship.