If you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, you won’t need any introduction to how difficult it can get.
More than anything, establishing a connection with your guy is the hardest part. You’ll keep trying to connect with him and get him to open up but to no avail. If only you have access to the magical key that will open his heart, you can save yourself from stress and anxiety.
You are really willing to do whatever it takes to have a healthy relationship with him. But the trouble is you don’t know the right thing to say or do. He doesn’t show any reaction to anything you do or say. So, you don’t know what works with him and what doesn’t. You have no clue about his expectations of you.
Maybe if you know the reason for his insecure attachment, you can figure out your guy and his odd behavior. A few things you can be sure of are:
- He doesn’t trust anyone easily.
- He has low self-esteem.
- He seeks validation in the relationship.
- He is afraid of commitment.
Most emotionally unavailable people have feelings and fall in love, even if they rarely dare to express their feelings. For this reason, when you stay away from him, he is bound to miss you though he may not show it openly.
However, if you purposely ignore him or cool off the relationship to generate interest in him for you, it may not work the same way as in a regular relationship. He may feel that you have abandoned him or broken up with him and this would shatter his already fragile mental health. He may walk away from you even if you reveal your real motive. This is something you should remember when attempting to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you.
This article explores the complex mindscape of an emotionally unavailable man and comes up with ideas to help you have a healthier relationship with him. Here you will find suggestions to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you.
5 tips to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you
1. Be patient
Patience is indeed a virtue when you’re dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner. You have no clue why he’s acting this way. It can even go back to what happened to him as a child. Typically, it is some past trauma that makes a man emotionally unavailable.
Another reason can be his personality type. If he has an insecure personality, he may show all symptoms of an emotionally unavailable man. As he is not in the habit of revealing his feelings and thoughts to you, you may never know the real reason for this behavior.
No matter what his reasons are, you need to know that he is incapable of changing overnight. Love can indeed work magic but it needs time. You need to be patient with him and afford him space and time to come out of his shell. If you try to force him or speed it up, you may end up sabotaging the entire show.
2. Get your own life
When your entire life revolves around the relationship and your emotionally unavailable partner, you may be putting undue pressure on yourself as well as on your partner to succeed in the relationship. As this is a tricky relationship with no assurance of success, it is better to take it slow and casual.
The best way to ensure this from your side is to find other things to do. This will provide the much-needed distraction required in the relationship, offering your partner space and time to step up his game. Instead of wasting away your time twiddling your fingers and waiting for your guy to step up to the plate, you can make the most of it by pursuing your life.
Being an emotionally unavailable guy, he may have trouble expressing his feelings for you like an ordinary guy. If your expectations are along those lines, you may end up feeling disappointed. Instead, take a step back and allow him breathing space.
When he is happy and relaxed, an emotionally unavailable partner will be at his best. You may even get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you.
3. Let him know that you are reliable and trustworthy
A major deterrent for an emotionally challenged man to commit to a relationship is his doubt about your reliability and trustworthiness. They are plagued by doubts and find it difficult to trust anyone. Most probably he learned this from his past experiences.
He may need reassurance that you are different and not someone who will cheat him or abandon him. He needs to be assured of your love and affection. How to make him believe in you is entirely up to you to decide. As each individual is different, what works for one may not work for another. No matter what you choose to do, make sure he understands that you love him unconditionally.
4. Maintain the relationship at his comfort level
As he is an insecurely attached person, he will have trouble doing the normal stuff that regular couples do. Such as assuring each other of their love and care and committing to the relationship. He may find himself handicapped in the area of expressing his love and affection. You may find him aloof and cold, no matter how much you try to lure him.
If you feel frustrated at the pace of the relationship and try to speed things up, you may end up sabotaging the whole relationship. He may take it the wrong way and attribute wrong meanings to your efforts. No amount of assurance may help to pacify or convince him.
The golden rule when dating emotionally unavailable people is to allow them to dictate the terms of the relationship. Let him decide the pace. This will make him feel more at ease. For all you know, he may work harder when you are relaxed.
5. Refrain from defining your relationship
Try not to define or label your relationship or slot it in any way. You may want to do this to make it easier for you and give yourself some stability. However, for your emotionally unavailable partner, this step can be a nightmare. This simple act on your part is enough to scare him off.
“Commitment” is one of the most dreaded words in his dictionary. Even if he is happy and content with your company, he may not feel comfortable with your effort at labeling your association.
When you are trying to build a relationship with an emotionally unavailable guy, you need to be aware that the path ahead is tricky and filled with hurdles and pitfalls. He may misconstrue your simple act of introducing him to your friends or family.
If you want to have a good relationship with him, abandon this idea. Resist the temptation to label your relationship. Instead, if you allow him the freedom to proceed as he wishes, he will come chasing after you.
Final thoughts on how to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you
There are more do’s and don’ts for you to remember. Don’t make future plans or talk about your future together. Be the first to open up and reveal your feelings. Get used to taking the lead in the relationship. Try to get him used to the idea of the two of you together as a team.
Text an emotionally unavailable man with care. It’s easy to misunderstand your words and intentions when it is a text and you’re not available in person for clarification.
Just remember that this relationship comes with no guarantees. Nothing is written in stone. If this is what you’re looking for in the relationship, you should walk away before too much damage is done.
Ultimately, when you fail to connect with him emotionally, you may doubt whether the reason for it is your neediness or his emotional unavailability. If you’re convinced that the problem lies with him, it’s up to you to decide whether you want to continue.
Dating an emotionally unavailable man is never easy. Walk away if you’re not up for it. However, if you try hard enough, you can make him chase you.
Related: