You fall head over heels in love with someone and decide to commit to each other saying, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part”. Or words to that effect.
You are in seventh heaven and your heart is filled with love for your partner. This is exactly where you want to be and feel exactly what you want to feel. So, what are we missing? Is there anything wrong with this picture-perfect scene?
Not exactly. Only that this state of existence rarely lasts for long. Your perfect world will slowly start to crumble right before your eyes and often you are clueless as to what went wrong in such a short time.
Maybe you could have done something to prevent it or at least lessen its severity and impact. Maybe you could do nothing about it. Or, maybe you contributed to it.
Irrespective of the hows and whys, you know that your marriage is anything but perfect. Despite this fact, you don’t want to walk away from it outright without giving it a chance or two. But you don’t want to be unhappy or get hurt in the process.
One way to achieve this seemingly impossible task is to practice detachment.
This article tells you why and how to practice emotional detachment in marriage. You may be able to save your marriage or at least save yourself with the practice of detachment in marriage.
Why is emotional detachment necessary in marriage?
Normally, you get too involved in the relationship. So, when things go south, you will feel the devastating effect of the failure deeply. This can be emotionally crushing and hard to deal with.
Moreover, when you are too attached to your partner and the relationship, you will find the decision to walk away from it hard to make. You will continue to stick with it despite feeling miserable and unhappy.
In fact, in abusive and toxic relationships, you are often too blinded by the outward appearance of love and affection that you tend to miss the obvious signs. Even when others can see how bad a state your relationship is, you fail to see it or choose to ignore it thinking it is not real.
Practicing emotional detachment can help you in all the above-mentioned situations. The impact of a failed marriage will be subdued and easier to deal with. Practicing detachment will make it easier to walk out of relationships without self-doubts or feeling guilty. You can spot signs of abuse and mistreatment early on so that you can take action to protect yourself and your suffering will be limited.
Here are some more valid reasons to practice emotional detachment.
- It will teach you to be independent.
- It is good for your mental health.
- It will help you recover faster from failed relationships.
- It will help you evaluate situations impartially and make better decisions.
How to detach from someone you love deeply?
So, your world is perfect now and you are happily married to the love of your life. You can still learn to practice healthy detachment in relationships. Think of it as a precaution and a constructive step to protect yourself and not as a negative step that can destroy your perfect marriage.
1. Ask yourself some valid questions.
Self-introspection is vital at every stage in your life. You tend to forget about it when you are in love and things are going great in your life.
Turn inwards and access the changes happening to you after you meet the love of your life. How much has your attitude and behavior changed? Are you reevaluating your priorities in life now that you are happily married and “settled down”?
This often happens to the best among us. You feel as if there is nothing more to achieve and you tend to relax. You tend to give up on your ambitions and goals. If you do this and if your marriage falls apart at a later date, you will regret your lackadaisical attitude.
Another important question to find the answer to is how much value your partner is giving you. Is it the same as you are giving them? When the relationship is one-sided, it is doomed to fail.
2. Are you going overboard with your expectations?
Naturally, you begin a relationship with high expectations. It is time you ask yourself whether the sights you have set for yourself and the relationships are realistic or too high. If it is too ambitious, it can add strain and stress to the relationship. This can turn out to be the main reason for it to crumble.
Before you met your partner, you may have formed mental images of your partner. How they should look, behave, think, feel, or even dress. It is foolish to expect that a stranger can fit into this mental image of yours without any glitches.
Your unrealistic expectations can create unnecessary tension and anxiety in the relationship. Fissures may develop in the relationship that you may find difficult to bridge.
You need to ask yourself whether you are being fair to yourself or your partner or your relationship as a whole. How will you feel about being forced to fit in an image your partner has created for you?
3. Take the effort to find happiness by yourself
When you began the relationship, your partner may have taken efforts to make you happy. Now that the initial enthusiasm has diminished, you should take extra effort to find happiness instead of complaining that your partner is avoiding you or disinterested in you.
By doing this, you are taking away the power of your partner to deny you happiness or to hurt you.
4. Formulate an exit plan
Nobody enters a relationship thinking it will fail. You definitely want it to succeed. But you need to be realistic that there is always a chance that it will fail.
Having an exit plan means you will not be taken by surprise in the event of a breakdown of the marriage. You will know how to take care of your happiness and needs. This will prevent you from falling apart.
Having an exit plan means you will be independent physically and emotionally. By doing this, the devastating effect of a breakup can be lessened.
5. Practice mindfulness
This is a solution for most of your emotional turmoil. The idea of mindfulness is simple and easy to understand but hard to practice. Mindfulness means living in the present moment. You need to be aware of what is happening within you and around you.
If you pay attention to your state of mind, you will know that your mind is far away while you are physically present somewhere. You might be doing something allowing your mind to wander somewhere else. This means you are not doing the task well and not enjoying the process.
When you live life like this, you will miss most of what is happening. This is the reason why you wake up to the troubles in your relationship much later and lose the opportunity to take corrective actions.
Mindfulness is a way of life that has to be made part of your habit. You can get help with this through guided meditation.
Here are some more suggestions to practice emotional detachment from husband. This need not be perceived as a negative action. You can detach with love from your husband and still enjoy a strong and healthy relationship.
- Set new boundaries and enforce them with love.
- Spending time apart can help the heart grow fonder.
- Take a break once in a while and spend time with your loved ones.
- If you are apprehensive about detachment, allow yourself to feel the emotion.
- Get help from a loved one.
- Give yourself a break if things are not working out the way you expect them to.
- Don’t compare yourself with others.
- Decide after looking at the issue from all angles. But once you have decided, stick with it despite inducements.
The journey to detach yourself from your partner is a long and arduous one. Don’t put yourself in a tight spot by expecting too much too soon.
Don’t look at this step in a negative light. You need to realize that this is not an attempt at sabotaging your relationship. This is something you need to do so that you will remain strong and keep going despite setbacks.