How to Say Goodbye to an Emotionally Unavailable Man

How to Say Goodbye to an Emotionally Unavailable Man?

How to Say Goodbye to an Emotionally Unavailable Man

Have you been in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man?

It’s hard and painful. You’re unsure whether to stay on or let go. 

If you have ever confronted this dilemma, you may need no more explanation. You may have numerous reasons to stay on and not break up. At the same, somewhere deep inside, that tiny voice within is telling you to leave before it gets ugly. 

Is there a way to say goodbye to an emotionally unavailable man without hurting him?

This article presents a simple 3-step approach to letting go of an emotionally unavailable man. You will also find here easy-to-follow suggestions to break up with him.

3 steps to say goodbye to an emotionally unavailable man

Step 1: Figure out why you’re reluctant to let go

Women tend to have sentimental attachments to people in their lives. Even when they are aware of their utility or lack of it, they still hesitate to let them go. 

They tend to hold on to the image or memory of that man they knew or want him to be. Or they may be holding on to their vision for the relationship they could have built together and not the man himself.

Often, when you find yourself hanging on to a partner or a relationship, it is rarely worth the heartache. This is more so if you are associated with unavailable people. 

If you’re having trouble breaking up with him, take some time out to write down answers to these two questions.

Why do you want to stay on?

What makes you unhappy with him?

Once you finish the two lists, your course of action will be self-evident. You will feel as if the cloud has lifted from your mind and you can see the path ahead clearly.

Step 2: Dig deeper

Is this a one-off situation? Do you often find yourself with an emotionally unavailable man?

If this is the first time for you, you can dismiss it as a learning experience and move on within a short period. However, if you find yourself saddled with this kind of relationship often, you really need to look inward to find out the reasons for the repeating emotionally unavailable men pattern. 

You may be at least partially responsible for this predicament you find yourself in. You may be suffering from mental disorders or emotional issues. You may be emotionally unavailable. 

If you are low on self-esteem, you tend to choose unavailable people who are similar and are suffering from emotional issues. You end up in bad relationships one after another. Self-love is the secret to happy relationships. If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love or expect love from another person.

You need to sort out your own problems before actively seeking out relationships.

Step 3: Learn to move on

You may decide to break up with your partner but find it hard to carry through. You will be troubled by how to say goodbye to an emotionally unavailable man. Moving on from a bad relationship requires recognition and acceptance of the failure of the relationship. Figure out the reasons for failure and take steps to ensure you won’t repeat the same mistakes.

Just remember that you don’t need to assume responsibility for “changing” your partner. Neither is this feasible nor a healthy proposition. Even if they change to accommodate you, they will be losing their identity in the process, which is again not good. A healthy relationship is one in which the partners accept each other for who they really are.

Once you manage to wriggle yourself free of a bad relationship and shake off its bad effects, you’re ready for the next one. Take care to avoid the mistakes you made previously. Stay away from the kind of people and places that got you into bad situations.

8 tips to break up with an emotionally unavailable man

Breaking up is always hard, especially with an emotionally unavailable person. You find yourself ridden with guilt and blame yourself for the failure of the relationship. Or you are too attached to the guy and don’t want to say goodbye to an emotionally unavailable man. However, after analyzing the situation, you decided letting go is the best way forward.

Let’s see how you can manage this without hurting yourself or your partner. How to say goodbye to an emotionally unavailable man?

1. Think before you act

Are you happy/unhappy now? Have you tried all options available to you to set things right? Do you think there is any chance of your partner turning a new leaf?

As this step will affect the lives of you as well as your partner, it is better to think about the pros and cons before you take it. This way you can steer clear of reckless words and actions and avoid hurting your partner unnecessarily. 

2. Scale down your attention and affection

Love and care are not things that you can turn on and off at will. When you stop loving someone, it is going to hurt you as well as them. So, you can make it happen in gradual steps. It would still hurt but you are giving yourself and your partner time to get used to the fact that you are breaking up. 

You can start by setting up more boundaries so that your partner will have less access to you. Even if your partner is not doing the same, you can set up your own boundaries to control your access to him.

3. Stop clinging to the hope that he’ll change

You should take this step only when you’re sure that there is no hope for him to mend his ways. He has always been emotionally distant and you have tried your best to connect with him. You know that there is no future for your relationship when he continues to be emotionally distant. 

You decide to break up and set the ball rolling. But if you continue to hope for a last-minute change in him, you will end up hurting yourself. There is no denying that he is a nice guy. But accept that he is not the right one for you.

4. Focus on self-care

Since your relationship has not been an easy one, you, most probably, were investing all your time and energy in maintaining the relationship and keeping your partner happy. All the pain and hurt while in the relationship and during the breakup can bring down your energy levels and make you unhappy. Now that you have finally decided to let it go, it is time for you to focus on self-love and self-care. Don’t think of it as being selfish. You need it now more than ever.

5. Stay away

You may want to break up in one go or take it slowly. That is your choice. No matter what method you prefer, remember to maintain distance from him when ending the relationship. No contact rule is considered the best route to a peaceful breakup. 

Initially, you may feel awkward and lonely not being able to talk to him or see him every day. But give yourself some time to get used to the new circumstances. 

6. Don’t act rude

No matter how bad you feel about your partner, it doesn’t make any sense to part ways with bad blood. Try to break up amicably. But that doesn’t mean you need to continue as friends. That is entirely your choice. However, avoid using harsh words and throwing accusations at your partner. Also, avoid being too emotional. You will end up feeling bad about yourself.

7. Set aside time for yourself

“Me-time” is vital for any individual, especially for those who are going through the pains of breaking up. Instead of sleep-walking through the process without acknowledging the feelings and thoughts, this will allow you to absorb what’s happening. Not only can this help in making it easier for you, but it can also prepare you for the life ahead.

You can use the “me-time” for deep thinking about your future. If you never had this opportunity, you might actually enjoy this tête-à-tête with yourself. 

8. Initiate an open conversation

If you want to break up amicably, it is vital to let your partner know the reason for your decision. Bring him up to speed on what you have been doing in the relationship and why you now think there is no future for you together anymore. 

You can even tell him what your future plans are. Give him a chance to respond to you. 

Final thoughts on breaking up with an emotionally unavailable man

Maintaining a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man can be hard. His guarded attitude can easily be interpreted as “I don’t care”. You might start questioning whether he loves you or is even interested in you anymore. 

The decision to stop chasing an emotionally unavailable man and let go is not an easy one either.  You may follow these suggestions to break up with the least disruptions in your life.

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