When daughters of narcissistic mothers turn out to be empathetic, it can only lead to one outcome. The good daughter syndrome.
A narcissistic mother can be self-centered, nosy, meddling, manipulative, and highly critical. This is not all. There are a lot more negative narcissistic traits you may find in a narcissistic parent. Even for a normal daughter, this can be too much to put up with. For an empath daughter, the least said the better.
An empath daughter won’t relax or feel comfortable unless everyone around her is relaxed and feeling comfortable. With a narcissistic mother, this is almost impossible to achieve as they are hard to please and always find something to grumble about.
However, the narcissistic traits in her mother are not a deterrent for the empathetic daughter. She will still try to please her mother. She wants her mother to be happy and be happy with her. She won’t rest until she manages this. As this is sure to get her into an endless pursuit of thankless efforts.
Unfortunately, an empath daughter is helpless in this situation. All her life, she has been coached to put her mother’s needs before hers. This has been so deeply drilled into her mind that she no longer considers any other choice. Even if she has grown up to be an independent and self-sufficient woman, her relationship with her mother remains the same. All she wants is to be a good daughter to her mother.
Narcissistic mother & Empath daughter = Good Daughter Syndrome
This article delves deep into this strange phenomenon called the Good Daughter Syndrome. When a narcissistic mother has an empath daughter, this is the inevitable outcome. Here, you will find the prominent symptoms of the Good Daughter Syndrome.
Narcissistic mother, Empath daughter – Are you a good daughter?
For daughters of narcissistic mothers, it is hard to feel a sense of accomplishment. Their ever-demanding mothers don’t give them the seal of approval to make them feel good. An empath daughter of a narcissistic mother will never feel sure enough to call herself a good daughter, though this is what she has been trying to achieve all her life.
This is what happens when you are suffering from the Good Daughter Syndrome. Here are some symptoms of the Good Daughter Syndrome to help you identify them in you.
1. You’re never good enough for your narcissistic mother
All you want in your life is your mother’s approval. But all you get from her is criticism and all you hear from her is “You aren’t good enough”. No matter what you do and how much effort you put in, your mother always finds some fault with it. All she does is criticize you.
You often review your actions to figure out how you could have done the same thing in a better way. You have this nagging thought that you aren’t measuring up to your mother’s expectations and are always bungling things up.
You feel that there must be something wrong with you. Your narcissistic parent is trying hard to improve you with all her criticisms. Clearly, she is suffering from manipulative mother syndrome.
2. You’re deluged with unsolicited advice
In her effort to “improve” you and make you a better person, your narcissistic mother will drown you in unwanted advice. As she is suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder, your mother doesn’t heed personal boundaries. She will interfere in your personal affairs without shame or guilt.
You will get a continuous stream of advice from your mother about how to manage your weight or what you should do to have healthy hair or skin. In case you are a new mother, she will take it upon herself to teach you all about good parenting. She considers herself an expert at everything and shares her pearls of wisdom non-stop with you.
3. She doesn’t own up to her mistakes or apologizes
Being a narcissistic person, your mother is unable to recognize or accept her mistakes. So, naturally, she doesn’t feel the need to say sorry either. Even if she “apologizes”, it would be more like a justification or explanation rather than an honest apology.
This is a part of her narcissistic personality disorder. She won’t be able to accept that she is wrong and you are right. In case you try to convince her of this, she will argue forever about why she is right and you’re wrong. You can never win this argument with her.
4. She violates your personal boundaries
This is what a person with a narcissistic personality disorder does to the people in their life. No matter how many times you define your boundaries and spell them out for her, she will disregard them as if it doesn’t apply to her. After a while, you will be pulling your hair trying to figure out how to make her understand your boundaries.
In your mother’s rule book, there shouldn’t be boundaries in your relationship with her. When you insist on having boundaries, you are breaking her rule. She will tell you in no uncertain terms that you offended her deeply by insisting on boundaries.
5. You are held accountable for her happiness
If your narcissistic parent isn’t happy, you get the blame. If anything goes wrong in her world, the fault is yours and yours alone. It’s not just about blame that you have to endure. You are lectured on how you should be grateful for all that your mother has done for you and how you must take care of her well-being and happiness.
This makes it difficult for you to argue with her or stand up to her. Setting and enforcing boundaries also becomes hard when you have to prioritize her wishes and happiness. You feel responsible for making her happy and you fear doing anything that may destroy her happiness.
Final thoughts on a narcissistic mother has an empath daughter
A narcissistic mother truly believes in the cliché – Mother knows best. You aren’t sure how or where you learned it, but you have to make her look and feel good. Your fight back is regarded as a rejection by her. When you stand up to her, she considers it a betrayal.
You are always riddled with self-doubt and misgivings. You’re never sure about yourself or trust your judgment and decisions. Your mother manages to destroy your confidence so badly that you find second-guessing yourself on important occasions.
A good daughter strives for the unachievable and ends up feeling inadequate or flawed. She tries too much and too hard, only managing too little for all her sincere efforts. She ignores her own life in her anxiety to take good care of her mother. In the end, the empathetic daughter doesn’t manage to make anyone happy – neither her mother nor herself.