Have you ever been in a relationship with a man who is not much into you?
He is spending more time away from you and doesn’t show any inclination to come back to you or be with you. He prioritizes his friends over you. His eyes are still roving and stray like a lost sheep.
All these and more often make you wonder whether he is serious about the relationship with you. However, he doesn’t break up with you and leaves you hanging. Does he really know what he wants in life in general and from you and the relationship? Does he understand the meaning of a committed relationship?
That was just a rhetorical question. For a guy like that the answer is obviously and emphatically no. But again, you are also unable to make up your mind about him. He has been nice and kind to you whenever he is with you. There is nothing you find in him that makes you dislike him. So, it is safe to say that you like him.
If it were in your hands, you would have taken the relationship to the next level. Maybe even exchanged vows. But you are exactly where you started. At times you even think that you have taken a few steps backward. Neither is he taking any initiative to go forward in the relationship nor is he revealing his plans for the future.
Somehow your instinct is telling you that you are clinging on to something that doesn’t belong to you and it is time for you to let go. You are confused as to your next move and sometimes even feel angry at yourself and everyone else.
If you are in a similar situation and are looking for guidance, read on. This article lists some of the easy-to-spot signs revealing that your guy doesn’t know what he wants in life. Once you know for sure that this is the case, you can make your move.
Signs telling your guy isn’t clear about what he wants
Being with a guy who doesn’t know his mind can be frustrating. Whenever he is with you, he is nice to you. But more often than not, he doesn’t show the inclination to be with you and is away enjoying his time with friends.
This makes you wonder whether he is interested in you and the relationship at all. If he is, why is he not spending more time with you like other loved-up and smitten men? Is there any future for you with him?
You can look out for these signs to make sure that he is not serious about you or the relationship. If he is displaying any of these signs, you should walk out of the relationship and not waste any more time hanging on to the hope that he will come back to you.
1. He is hesitant to define your relationship.
This is one of the most obvious signs. You have been together for months now but you don’t see any progress since day one. Most probably, the relationship remains platonic.
You have kissed and spent time with each other. But you haven’t considered sex. At times, you are unsure whether he is your friend or lover. Whenever you try to have this conversation, he brushes it aside.
Clearly, he isn’t ready for commitment and a committed relationship with you. He enjoys spending time with you and doesn’t want to get more serious. He may be feeling that if he makes a commitment and assigns a label to this relationship, he will end up with something he doesn’t want. He doesn’t want to be tied down.
In his own way, he is considerate. He is indeed unwilling to discuss your concerns or answer your queries. But he doesn’t want to give this relationship a semblance of commitment and give you false hope. He is okay with things as they are.
If he is sure that you are the right partner for him, he would have gotten serious a long time back. Since he is not ready for that, the only conclusion that can be drawn from this situation is that he doesn’t know what he wants.
2. He is away with friends most of the time.
He has made it clear to you that he values his friends above everyone else, including you. When it comes to spending time with friends, he never allows anything to come in-between or spoil it. He is a man’s man through and through.
He always has something lined up with his friends. Whenever you want to go out or spend time with him, he has already made plans with his friends. He refuses to cancel any of them to fit you in. He never seems to have any spare time to be with you.
One top reason for this is that his friends are all single and always seem to have free time to spend with each other. You are rarely invited to join them in their outings. Anyway, you aren’t keen on this proposition as going out with a bunch of single men is boring and tiresome.
Your instincts are telling you that he is spending time with his friends to avoid you and getting into a serious relationship with you. Maybe you are right.
3. He continues to go out with other women.
This is the worst and saddest of all the signs. He is still active on dating sites and maintains his relationship status as “single” on social media platforms. Not just this, he goes out on dates with other women.
However, you can say to his credit that he doesn’t hide his activities. He even stands you up to go out on dates and is upfront about it. He may even fill you up on what transpired on these dates.
Clearly, he is not ready to be exclusive with you as he is still unsure about long-term prospects with you. He wants to keep his options open and play the field.
If you want to look at the positive side, you can feel good about the fact that he is honest. But is honesty the only trait you would like to see in your partner? It’s time you made the call.
4. He is not open about his relationship with you.
You have been with him for months now and he has not introduced you to his friends or family. You are not sure why he is keeping you a secret from the world. You often wonder whether he is embarrassed about you and doesn’t want to be linked to you.
When you try to bring your relationship to light in front of his family or friends, he will cover up your actions and take you aside, only to ask you to shut up. When you confront him, he will give you commitment-free replies like “Nothing much”, “Just like that”, or “The time is not right”.
When you pay attention and analyze his actions, you conclude that he is ashamed to be in a relationship with you. You blame yourself for being not good enough for him and try not to feel offended.
What do your instincts tell you? Do you see a future for you with him?
5. He isn’t interested in you or your life.
He doesn’t include you in his plans or most of his activities. To make matters worse, he doesn’t bother about what you are doing with your life. He is not familiar with your friends or family because he hasn’t met them despite your best efforts.
He also doesn’t mind you going on dates with other men. In fact, you feel as if he is forcing you. He doesn’t expect anything from you and is irritated when you voice your expectations from him.
He is content and comfortable with where he is in the relationship and doesn’t want to change anything about it. Just the fact that he is unwilling to go public with your relationship shows that he doesn’t know what he wants.
6. He doesn’t include you in his plans.
Be it short-term plans or long-term, you don’t feature in any of them.
He doesn’t take you as his plus one to events. He always projects the image of being single with everyone. You have never gone out on a date with him. You meet up either at your place or his when no one else is around.
You have never heard him use the words “we” or “us” to denote the two of you. It’s always “I” or “me”. Every time he talks about his future, you fervently hope that you will be mentioned in it, only to be disappointed again.
Including you in his plans is a confirmation of your couple’s status. As he doesn’t know what he wants from you or the relationship, he takes the easy way out of it.
7. He doesn’t have time for you.
Everyone has commitments to fulfill but he seems to have too many of them that he doesn’t have any time left for you.
When you are together, you get the feeling that he is on the edge and ready to bolt. His calendar always seems to be choked with back-to-back appointments. Seeing him once a week or even once a month seems to be a big deal.
You may start wondering what kind of a relationship this is. After marriage, often couples take each other for granted and let things slide. But when dating, if this is how it is, what kind of future are you going to have?
It’s very clear why he is doing this to you. He isn’t sure about you and so, you are low down on his priority list. This means he is not making special efforts to make space for you in his life.
What are your options to deal with the situation?
When he doesn’t know what he wants in life, it may reflect on you and your relationship in numerous ways. However, it need not necessarily mean that he doesn’t want you in life. If this is the case, he could’ve broken up with you a long time back.
If he says he doesn’t know what he wants, you can always sit down, discuss the options available, and help him figure out what he really wants. You can always bail out if you are not fitting in with his scheme of things.
If you are considering waiting for some more time to see if he is changing his approach, you, most probably, would be in for a disappointment. Don’t expect the confusion to vanish one fine day and he will be the kind of partner you want him to be. The likelihood of this happening is very low.
Your best option is to walk out of the relationship without wasting any more time. But if you are reluctant to do this and want to give him one more chance, here are some suggestions for you to consider.
- Spell out with clarity what you want and what you expect from him.
- Use all your charm and wits to lure him into a conversation. Keep it casual and desist from the blame game.
- Activate his hero instinct. This is your best chance to get him moving in the right direction.
- Afford him time and space to think it over.
If nothing else works, mirror his behavior. Treat him exactly how he is treating you. This may not be easy for you since you really care about him. But if you want him to see your side of the story and this is your best bet.
As they say, two can play the game. Ignore him and act as if you don’t care anymore. Make yourself busy and scarce for him. When he wants to meet up, tell him that you are going on a date. Pay attention to his reaction. Is he upset or jealous?
If he expresses his displeasure, use the opportunity to point out to him that he is doing the same thing to you. Since he is not exclusive or has time for you, you are also free to pursue what you want.
This is a kind of make-or-break situation. He may realize what he is doing wrong and transform himself. Or, he may feel cornered and walk out. Either way, it is all for the good.
When you spend the best years of your life waiting for this guy to make up his mind, you are being unfair to yourself. Life is indeed too short to take this approach. If you are clear about what you want to do with your life, don’t wait around for people like this. At the end of the day, he may make up his mind that he doesn’t want you anymore in his life.
The decision is entirely yours to make. Think about what is good for you and choose wisely.