A narcissistic relationship is not an easy one to be in if you’re the victim. It’s hard to endure and harder to get out of.
When a narcissist leaves you alone, it is usually not permanent. During the relationship, a narcissist may walk out on you multiple times, only to come crawling back into your life. When you thought you finally managed to escape from the clutches of the narcissist, they’re back, restarting the cycle of narcissistic abuse all over again.
After a couple of times, you get so used to the attract-devalue-discard-repeat cycle that you automatically expect them to come back after every breakup. This feeling gets so etched in your mind that you actually start yearning for the abuser. You feel that you need them to feel whole and happy.
However, a person suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder may decide to break up with you permanently. This may happen when they feel your value as their narcissistic supply is compromised or when they find a better victim to replace you. But now the question is how to know if a narcissist friend is done with you.
This article delves into the dark depths of a narcissist’s mind and discovers some astonishing facts. Here you will find 7 signs a narcissist is done with you.
How to know if a narcissist is finished with you?
Even as it is difficult to generalize the behavioral practices of narcissists, it is possible to find certain patterns to draw conclusions. The sooner you know that a narcissist is done with you, the earlier you can cut the traumatic bond, take care of yourself and start to heal the wounds.
1. They’ve gone past the attraction stage.
This is the first stage of a narcissistic relationship. It begins on a grand scale with the narcissist putting you on a pedestal and wooing you in a way you have never experienced before. This stage is called idealization and involves love bombing.
A person with a narcissistic personality disorder will be so totally obsessed with you during this stage that they always want to be around you. They love talking to you, doing things with you, and going out with you. It will feel as if they never want to part with you. Their world begins and ends with you.
They love spoiling you and making you feel cherished and beautiful. They will come to your defense if someone bad-mouths you. Then, all of a sudden, they change their attitude toward you. It is as if they have switched off their charm.
The narcissist is no longer enamored by you. They may continue to act with civility but the warmth has gone ice cold. You may think that this is a sign of the initial euphoria of the relationship cooling off. However, if it steadily gets worse, it’s a sign that a narcissist is done with you.
2. They’re constantly criticizing and devaluing you.
Until recently, for the narcissist, you were the epitome of perfection. You could do nothing wrong. In a short span, everything seems to have changed. Though you have no clue what you have done or how you are doing anything differently.
The continuous stream of criticism has come as a nasty surprise for you. You thought you had found the perfect person to share your life with – someone who understood you and appreciated you. Unfortunately, all that is in the past. Now, you realize that all that may have been a put-on to trap you into this narcissistic relationship.
Now you are needy, unappealing, foolish, and overly dramatic – the list is long. In short, you’re useless and good for nothing. It’s not that they don’t merely depreciate you anymore. They make sure that you are told repeatedly how horrible you are. Someone with narcissistic personality disorder would love to see your reaction when they tell you all nasty things. Their sole aim is to destroy your self-esteem.
3. They ignore you and go missing
The narcissist keeps away from you and uses evasive tactics to avoid spending time with you. They try to disassociate from you in public. They understand the importance of attention in a relationship. By denying you, they are trying to make a point with you. They want you to feel on the edge and anxious about the relationship.
Every now and then, they will give you some attention to make you aware of their importance and your need for their attention. This will help in creating a trauma bond between you and the narcissist.
They are intentionally conditioning you to feel lost and terrible without them.
4. They’re angry and irritated at you all the time.
Even things about you that they used to adore now seem to irritate and bother them. From how you look, dress, talk, and behave to the way you do things and the decisions you make, everything seems to annoy them now.
And, they make no effort to conceal it or say it mildly. In fact, it is the opposite of that. The narcissist makes mountains out of molehills and says things to your face in the most brutal way. So much that you dread when they open their mouths to talk.
Their whole strategy is to keep you feeling anxious, worried, and wondering what will hit you next. This way, your trauma bond with the narcissist keeps growing and gaining in strength, making it difficult for you to break free even if you want to.
5. They gaslight you.
If you have been with a narcissist for some time now, you should know how it is to be gaslit. Through their words and actions, they will manipulate you to such an extent that you will start questioning your own abilities, sanity, and power of reasoning.
Whenever you confront them about their lies and bad behavior, they deny them outright and twist it around in such a way as to make you look guilty. You stop trusting your own judgment. As a result, your confidence and self-esteem go down.
When you are told that you are the problem and not them, you start believing it. They will destroy your ability to function independently, further strengthening the trauma bond.
6. They will force you to take responsibility for their misdeeds.
Every time you call them out or challenge their wrongdoings or abusive behavior, they will twist things around to make you look guilty. In fact, after a narcissist is done with you, you will feel guilty even without much prompting. So, when they demand an apology from you, you will not hesitate anymore.
The narcissist will make it look like every one of their wrongdoing is a result of a bigger mistake on your part.
“If you hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have done that.”
“If only you were broadminded, I would have been nice to you.”
They never deny their own wrongdoing, but blame it on something worse you’ve done. And they act as if they are wounded by your accusations. Unless you own up to your “mistakes” and apologize, they will ignore you or subject you to silent treatment.
7. They insult and defame you.
The narcissist knows where to hit to hurt you the most. They badmouth you to your friends and family members. They will paint a horrible picture of you so that they will no longer want to keep in touch with you.
The ultimate aim of the narcissist is to deny you your support system as well as make themselves look like the victim. So that when you approach your friends and family members for help, no one will believe you or come to your help. Even they will believe the narcissist because they have been so convincing and you were silent all this while about the abuse.
Final thoughts on a narcissist is finished with you
Your misery makes the narcissist happy. They feel victorious when they can make you cry or feel isolated. However, if you gather enough courage to rise up in revolt and decide to walk out of the relationship, the narcissist will change track and go back to the idealization stage. They will again try to woo you with love, affection, and care.
Once you get trapped in a narcissistic relationship, this cycle of love and abuse will repeat multiple times until the narcissist decides your value as their narcissistic supply has eroded beyond repair. Then, they will search for a replacement and leave you permanently as soon as they manage to find one.
If you want to be one up on the narcissist, look out for these signs and leave them before you’re discarded.