Men are naturally protective of the women they love. This has a name – Hero Instinct.
What happens when this urge to protect goes beyond a certain limit? What if he turns into a controlling husband?
There is a huge difference between wanting you to be safe and being your best self and controlling every choice and decision you make. No self-respecting woman will accept or tolerate such controlling men.
The way a controlling husband acts may make you as well as others think that he thinks he owns you. When you are stuck with a controlling boyfriend, it can be extremely frustrating. Why do guys want to own you? And, what are your options now? What can you do about a controlling husband?
Before you go ahead and consider how to deal with a controlling husband or boyfriend, you need to make sure that this is the case. You can look out for signs a guy is keeping tabs on you to ensure that he is indeed controlling and it’s not his overenthusiastic love.
This article talks about love gone bad. If you recognize the signs he thinks he owns you, you can take the necessary steps to let him know how you feel about it and ask him to stop being a controlling husband. After all, you want to be a partner in love and not a captive or a victim of love.
Irrefutable signs he thinks he owns you
The signs of a controlling boyfriend are not hard to perceive if you care to look for them. Here are a few easy-to-spot signs when a man wants to control you.
1. You are constantly fighting with your family and friends
You always maintained close ties with your family. Your friends always meant a lot to you. But after getting together with this guy, you feel as if your loved ones are staying away from you. You have tried talking to them about it and they assure you that they haven’t done anything like that. It’s you who are keeping them at arm’s length. They even warn you about your controlling husband.
This makes you wonder what is happening to you. There is no denying that you are further away from your loved ones than you had been earlier. At times, you are surprised to find yourself having arguments and fights with them. Why do you feel differently toward the people who care about you?
You know that your boyfriend isn’t keen on you keeping a close relationship with them. He is always pointing out faults in their behavior towards you. He thinks he owns you in a way. Maybe with all this negative talk, your controlling husband brainwashed you into believing that your loved ones are not supportive of you.
2. You are always turning to him for advice
Now that you aren’t in touch with your loved ones, you have lost the support system you have been relying on until now. So, when you need help, you have nowhere to turn to except your controlling husband. You might be forced to do this despite knowing his controlling nature.
Even if you haven’t antagonized your family and friends, you might still go to him for advice and help because you may think that is what partners are for. However, it is always better to have connections outside the relationship who can offer you unbiased views. Beware of him trying to channel and control your thoughts and actions. This is definitely not desirable.
3. You are always saying sorry
Owning up to your mistakes is a desirable trait. But if you find yourself saying sorry without committing any wrongs, it is not good. Pay attention to what you are saying. How often do you say sorry and for what reason? If you apologize without a valid reason, it’s a red flag.
Why do you feel the need to apologize? Is your boyfriend making you feel guilty and forcing an apology on you? This is a typical sign of a controlling boyfriend. The next time you feel the need to say sorry, pause and check if you have actually done anything wrong. If you haven’t, scrutinize your boyfriend’s behavior towards you. You might find the answer there.
4. You are making lots of changes in your life
An ideal relationship is one in which the partners accept each other for who they are. They shouldn’t force each other to change to suit their convenience or to fit in with their perception of the perfect partner. After getting together with this boyfriend, do you think you have made too many changes in your life? Are others often commenting on this?
When a guy treats you as his possession, he might make you think that you need to change your ways to be his ideal partner. He may be so subtle in his suggestions that you may not notice what is happening to you. The changes he may want in you may be regarding your appearance, behavior, or choices you make.
5. You are treated like you’re incapable of handling your life
In short, like a child. You feel helpless, weak, and unable to make up your mind about things. You are always looking up to him for help, support, and guidance. Moreover, you also feel the need to hide things from your controlling husband to enjoy a bit of freedom.
Don’t you think there is something wrong with this? You are meant to be partners and you shouldn’t be afraid of your boyfriend. You should be treated with respect and not as if you are a child who is not capable of making informed decisions and managing her life.
6. You are constantly monitored
We all expect our partners to care about us and keep an eye on our safety. But if this monitoring goes out of proportion with your boyfriend, it is a sign that he thinks he owns you. He might monitor where you go, who you talk to, and what you post online.
In such situations, your freedom is taken away, and your privacy is invaded. You cannot enjoy the life you have built for yourself when your partner monitors your every move. If you notice your boyfriend being overly possessive and trying to keep track of everything you do, it is a sign that he thinks he owns you.
7. You are not allowed to disagree
Are you not allowed to express your opinions and speak up for yourself? Does your partner shut down conversations that don’t go his way? Do you feel like he never listens to what you have to say?
These are all sure signs that he thinks he owns you. A controlling husband will never let his partner have the freedom to disagree with him and will make sure that his opinion is always respected. This behavior can lead to a toxic relationship where you are not allowed to have any say in your own life.
8. You are afraid to have a fight
Fighting is normal in relationships. No two people can agree on everything all the time, and having healthy disagreements is often beneficial for the relationship. But if you are scared to disagree with your partner or even raise your voice at him, it means something’s wrong.
A possessive boyfriend will use various tactics to make sure that you never challenge him. From threatening and intimidating behavior to victim blaming and emotional manipulation, he will make sure that you are always in a position of submission.
9. You feel guilty when he breaks down
Sometimes, a controlling husband can use emotional blackmail as a tool. He will make you feel guilty for saying no to his demands or simply speaking your mind. You may notice that he tends to break down and resort to emotional outbursts whenever he doesn’t get his way.
If this is the case with your partner, it is a sign that he thinks he owns you. He wants to make sure that you never challenge him and always agree with whatever he says.
If you recognize these signs, it’s time to take action. It’s important to talk to your partner about how his possessive behavior makes you feel and that you won’t stand for it. Let him know that you are not his property and that your opinions, decisions, and choices matter too. Be firm but also be understanding. A little compromise can go a long way in making sure both party’s needs are met.
Remember, your freedom is more important than anything else. Don’t let your partner take away that freedom; know when to stand up for yourself. Don’t be a victim of love, be a partner in it.
Final thoughts on controlling men
Your controlling husband/boyfriend is constantly criticizing you and offering you no privacy in the relationship. You aren’t allowed to say “no” to his requests or demands. You are denied friendships with members of the opposite sex. You are made to feel guilty when your boyfriend feels hurt by your behavior. The worst part is you find it impossible to enjoy life when he is not present.
If you feel isolated and far removed from the people who love and care for you, it’s one of the signs he thinks he owns you. If you find yourself giving up on your dreams, goals, interests, and everything else that makes you who you are, you might be in an abusive relationship.
While living with a controlling husband, you may be unable to notice the minor changes happening in your life. But all these may add up to something significant and come to bite you later.