21 Signs of Losing Yourself in a Relationship

21 Signs of Losing Yourself in a Relationship

21 Signs of Losing Yourself in a Relationship

Do you feel like you’re gradually losing yourself in a relationship? If so, it’s important to take steps to address the issue before it gets too out of control. It can be tough to tell when you have lost yourself in a relationship, but there are a few key signs to look for.

This blog post will discuss some of the most common signs of losing yourself in a relationship and how to tell if you’re at risk.

What does it mean to lose yourself in a relationship?

To lose yourself in a relationship means to become so wrapped up in your partner that you forget about your own needs and identity. This can happen gradually over time or suddenly after a significant life event such as getting married or having a baby.

It’s not always a bad thing to lose yourself in a relationship. It can signify that you’re entirely devoted to your partner and willing to sacrifice your own needs for theirs. However, it’s essential to ensure you don’t lose yourself completely.

Schedule time for activities you enjoy outside your relationships, such as hobbies, friends, and family. This will help you stay connected to your identity and prevent you from becoming too dependent on your partner.

Losing yourself in a relationship can be good or bad, depending on the circumstances. Make sure you don’t lose sight of your own needs and identity.

21 Warning Signs You’re Losing Yourself in a Relationship

We’ve all been there before: you meet someone, you start dating, and suddenly you find yourself sacrificing your time, your hobbies, and your friends for them. While it’s great to want to spend all your time with your new partner, it’s important to maintain a sense of self in a relationship.

Otherwise, you run the risk of losing yourself entirely. But how can you tell if you’re headed down that road? Here are 21 warning signs that you might be losing yourself in a relationship:

1. You’re unhappy but scared to say it

If you’re unhappy in your relationship and are too scared to tell your partner, that’s a sign you’re losing yourself. Partner communication is essential for a healthy relationship.

When you’re in a relationship, it’s normal to sometimes feel unhappy. Maybe your partner did something that hurt you, or you’re just having a bad day. But if you’re unhappy most of the time and you’re too scared to tell your partner, that’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship. You should be able to tell your partner how you’re feeling without fear of their reaction.


The fix is to learn to communicate effectively with your partner. This means being honest about your feelings, even when it’s complicated. Avoid blaming your partner when you’re feeling unhappy. For example, “I felt hurt when you said X” is better than “You’re such a jerk for saying X.”

It can be challenging to learn to communicate effectively, but it’s worth it for the health of your relationship.

2. You give in to all of their demands

It’s common for people to make sacrifices in relationships – after all, compromise is an essential part of any healthy partnership. However, there comes the point where making too many sacrifices can be harmful to both partners involved. If you constantly change your plans or preferences to please your partner, it may signify losing yourself in the relationship.

Of course, making small compromises now and then is perfectly normal (and even healthy). But if you’re constantly bending over backward to accommodate your partner, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate.

Remember, relationships are about two people coming together – not one person sacrificing everything they are for the other. So, don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself, as it’s the only way to keep your relationship (and yourself) healthy and balanced.


To fix this, learn to communicate effectively with your partner about your needs and wants. It’s okay to say “no” sometimes, and putting your own needs first is essential. Otherwise, you’ll end up feeling resentful and taken for granted.

3. Your own goals and dreams are gone

When you’re head over heels in love, it’s hard to think about anything else. Your dreams and goals can start to feel like they’re not necessary anymore. But, it’s important to remember that you are your person, with your wants and needs.

If you lose yourself in a relationship, you might start to resent your partner. You could feel trapped, like you’re not living your life. It’s crucial to stay true to yourself, even in a relationship. Pursue your interests, and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.

Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and understanding. Losing yourself in a relationship can be tempting, but it’s not worth sacrificing your dreams and happiness.


To fix this, try to schedule some “me” time into your week. This can be anything from reading a book to going for a run. Do something that makes you happy and helps you relax. You should also talk to your partner about your goals and dreams. They might be able to help you achieve them, or at least support you.

4. You’ve abandoned your family and friends

A relationship should supplement your life, not replace it. If you find yourself losing touch with your family and friends, it’s a red flag that you’re losing yourself in the relationship.

It’s important to keep up your relationships with the people who are important to you, even when you’re in a romantic relationship. Spending time with your loved ones will help you stay grounded and remember what’s truly important to you. Plus, they can provide valuable support if you have a tough relationship.

If you’ve stopped hanging out with your friends or neglecting your family, it’s time to take a step back and reassess your priorities. A healthy relationship should enhance your life, not consume it.


To fix this issue, try to schedule regular check-ins with your loved ones. Make an effort to catch up with them, even if it’s just for a quick chat. You should also try to include them in your plans with your partner, whether it’s a double date or a group outing.

5. You’ve switched “I/me/mine” to “we/us/ours.”

In a healthy relationship, you should still feel like an independent person. You should be able to do things independently and have hobbies and interests.

If you’ve stopped using “I” statements and only refer to things as “ours,” it’s a sign that you’re losing yourself in the relationship. You should still have your own identity, even in a relationship.

Finding a balance between “we/us/ours” and “I/me/mine” statements is crucial. Both are important in a healthy relationship. If you only use “we/us/ours” statements too often, take a step back and focus on your needs and wants.

Make sure to take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. Pursue your interests, and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.


To fix this, try using “I” statements more often. Talk about your needs and wants, and schedule time for yourself. Don’t be afraid to pursue your interests, even if they differ from your partner’s.

6. Your opinions depend on your partner’s

If you’re constantly second-guessing yourself and wondering what your partner would think or say about something before you make a decision, it’s a sign that you’re losing yourself in the relationship. You should be able to have your own opinions and make decisions without constantly worrying about what your partner thinks.

Of course, it’s important to consider your partner’s opinion on things that will affect them too, but you shouldn’t make all your decisions based on what they want. If you’re always deferring to your partner, it can signify that you’re not being true to yourself.

It is vital to have a healthy relationship where both partners can share their thoughts and make decisions together.


To fix this, use your alone time to focus on what you want and what makes you happy. This will help you be more decisive and confident when expressing your opinions, even if they differ from your partner’s. It’s also important to communicate with your partner about why you’re making certain decisions, so they can understand where you’re coming from.

You may also download Couples Communication Exercises PDF Worksheets to learn how to be a better partner in relationship.

7. You’re uncomfortable without them

You start to depend on your partner for everything from happiness to your sense of self. Before making any decisions, big or small, you always seek their approval or opinion.

Everything you do is based on how you believe your partner would respond. This may seem like a small thing, but it quickly adds up. Over time, you lose sight of what you want and need and begin to base your entire life around pleasing your partner.

In a codependent relationship,  you become so focused on your partner that you forget about your own needs. This is not only unhealthy for you, but it’s also unfair to them. After all, they are not responsible for your happiness and should not have that much control over your life.


Trust your gut, and don’t be afraid to do things they may not agree with. Remember that you are your own person, and you should always act in a way that is true to yourself.

Related: How to be More Independent in a Relationship?

8. You want to become single again

You’re in a relationship but can’t help but feel like something is missing. 

It’s normal to have doubts about your relationship sometimes, but if you’re always thinking about being single, there may be a more significant issue. 

If you want to become single again, the first step is admitting that you’re not happy in your current relationship. Once you’ve realized that, it’s time to take action and figure out what went wrong. For example, did you get too comfortable and stop putting effort into the relationship? Or, did you start taking your partner for granted?


If this is the case, it’s important to talk to your partner about your feelings. Communication is key in any relationship, and it’s especially important when addressing problems.

9. You Sacrificing Too Much in Your Relationship

You’re in a relationship, but you’re always making sacrifices while your partner doesn’t really do anything. 

For example, you’re always the one giving up your plans to do something with your partner, even though you don’t want to. 

Or, you’re always taking care of your partner when they’re not feeling well, even though you’re not feeling well yourself. 

Feeling appreciated is hard when you’re constantly putting in all the effort. You start to feel like you’re not important to your partner and that they don’t care about you.


To fix this, ask yourself how committed you are to the relationship. It might be time to move on if you’re not that committed.

But if you are committed, you need to talk with your partner about how you’re feeling. They might not even realize that they’re taking you for granted. Once they know how you’re feeling, they can start to change their behavior.

You should also make sure that you’re taking care of yourself. Don’t put your partner’s needs ahead of your own all the time. Make sure that you’re taking care of yourself emotionally and physically.

10. You give up your favorite hobbies or activities.

You used to love spending your free time practicing your hobby, but now that you’re in a relationship, it seems you don’t have enough time for anything else. 

Let’s say you used to love playing the guitar. But now, your partner always wants to spend time with you, and you don’t want to practice your guitar as much because you’re spending time with your partner.

When you stop doing the things you love, you lose a part of yourself. Without your hobbies, you start to feel bored and unfulfilled.


Make time for yourself each week to do something that brings joy into your life. This can be as simple as reading a book or walking in nature. Dedicating some time each week to activities that make you happy will help keep your passion for life alive.

11. You can’t recall the last time you were alone.

You love your partner, but sometimes you just need time. 

It can be tough to find time for yourself when you’re in a relationship. You never have time between work, family obligations, and social activities.


Set some boundaries for yourself and make sure you get some alone time each week. This will help improve your relationship because you’ll feel refreshed and relaxed when together.

A little alone time can do wonders for your mental health and well-being. Dedicate some time each week to do something just for you. Relax, read a book, take a walk, or take up a new hobby.

12. You think about your wedding and the future you two will have together.

It’s normal to daydream about your wedding and the future you want with your partner, but when you lose yourself in those thoughts, it’s time to worry. 

You might find yourself planning your wedding down to the last detail, even though you’re not yet engaged. Or you might start thinking about how many children you want to have together.

When you’re so lost in thought that you stop thinking about your own needs and dreams, it’s a sign that things are not healthy in your relationship. 


Don’t wait until it’s too late. Start thinking about your next career move, your friend’s birthday event you’re looking forward to, or anything else that will help you focus on yourself again.

13. It’s difficult to tell whether you’re doing it for yourself or “us.”

It’s hard to know if you’re doing something for yourself or your partner. This can be a warning sign of losing yourself in a relationship. 

For example, let’s say you want to take a painting class. But then you think about how your partner would feel if you took the class. You wonder if he or she would be happy or jealous.


Start by making a list of things you want to do for yourself. This can be anything from taking a dance class to starting a new hobby. Then, ensure you do at least one thing from your list each week.

Regarding relationships, it’s important to remember that it should be 50/50. You must ensure that you’re taking care of yourself and doing things for your benefit, not just your partner’s. 

14. You question your feelings and thoughts

When you’re in a relationship, it’s normal to question your feelings and thoughts. After all, you want to be sure that you’re making the right decision. However, constantly questioning your feelings and thoughts is a sign that you’re losing yourself in the relationship.

You’re no longer confident in your ability to make decisions, and you’re relying on your partner to tell you what to do.

You might ask your partner for their opinion on what you should wear, eat, or where you should go. Or, you might find yourself second-guessing your opinion and decisions and wondering if you’re doing the right thing.


You need to start building up your confidence again. Remember that you’re an independent person with your thoughts and opinions. Start making decisions for yourself, and don’t hesitate to speak up. Let your partner know you value your own opinions and that you’re not going to let them make all the decisions for you. If necessary, seek therapy to help you improve your confidence and learn to trust yourself again.

15. You’re not the same person you were when you first got together

When you first got together, you were excited about life and its possibilities. You were open to new opportunities and ready to take on whatever came your way. 

But now, you’ve started to pass on opportunities because they might mean leaving your partner. You’ve stopped exploring and started to lose yourself in the relationship.

You might have given up your dream of traveling the world because your partner doesn’t want to leave home. This is a sign that you’re losing yourself in the relationship.


It’s important to remember that you are your person, separate from your partner. You must do things that make you happy and fulfilled, not just benefit your relationship.

Talk to your partner about your feelings and let them know that you need some time to focus on yourself. Plan a solo trip, take a class, or pick a new hobby. Do something to help you remember who you are outside the relationship.

16. Your relationship lacks boundaries.

You’re in a relationship where you feel like you’re constantly giving and not getting anything back. 

It’s normal to want to give yourself entirely to your partner, but when this turns into a one-way street, it can damage your psyche and self-esteem. 

For example, you might find yourself always picking up the slack around the house or being the one who always has to make plans. You might feel like your partner is taking advantage of you and not contributing enough to the relationship.


It’s important to have boundaries in any relationship, whether with a romantic partner, friend, or family member. You need to set boundaries to protect yourself and maintain a healthy relationship.

By figuring out what’s important to you and what makes you happy. From there, communicate these needs to your partner clearly and concisely. If they can’t meet these needs, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.

17. You say YES less than NO.

You always say yes. This is the warning sign that you are losing yourself in a relationship. 

Your partner wants to go out with friends, but you’re not feeling up for it. Instead of saying no, you find yourself going along with it even though you don’t want to.

Saying yes all the time can lead to resentment and can cause you to lose your own identity. When you’re always saying yes, your wants and needs are no longer important to you. You’ve stopped being yourself and have started becoming what the other person wants.

Remember, it’s okay to say no sometimes. It’s important to put your needs first and do what’s best for you.


It’s time to start saying no again. It might be hard at first, but by setting boundaries for yourself, you’ll feel more in control of your life again. And that’s when you’ll know you’re on the road to recovery.

18. You feel lost in yourself

When you lose yourself in a relationship, it can be hard to tell where your partner ends, and you begin. Soon enough, your opinions, want, and needs start to fade away and get replaced by those of your partner.

You might find yourself only doing things that your partner wants to do or only hanging out with their friends. You might start neglecting your hobbies and interests or giving them up entirely.


Before things get too out of hand, it’s important to take a step back and figure out what’s happening. If you’re feeling lost or like you’ve sold yourself out, it might be time to break the relationship until you can get some clarity.

Rediscovering your hobbies and interests can help you feel like yourself again and give you the strength to establish boundaries in the relationship.

19. You find yourself feeling more anxious than usual

You find yourself feeling more anxious than usual. A relationship is a big commitment, and losing yourself in one is easy. 

For example, you feel guilty for spending time with your friends or family instead of your partner. You might also feel like you’re not good enough for your partner or not doing enough to make the relationship work.

If you’re constantly putting your partner’s needs above your own, it’s time to take a break and focus on yourself for a while.


It’s normal to feel overwhelmed by a relationship sometimes, but if you’re constantly anxious and stressed, you’re losing yourself in a relationship. 

The best thing you can do is take some time for yourself. Look after your needs and ensure you’re still taking care of yourself emotionally and mentally.

Schedule some “me time” into your week where you can do something you enjoy without your partner. This could be going for a walk, reading a book, or taking a yoga class.

20. You’re spending a little too much

Overspending is a common problem, but it can be incredibly damaging to your finances and your relationship. You may just be celebrating a little too much with shopping sprees, overeating, or other forms of indulgence.

It’s easy to lose track of your spending when you’re caught up in the excitement of a new relationship. But if you’re regularly overspending, it’s time to take a step back and figure out what’s happening.


Take a step back and reevaluate your spending habits. If you’re overspending, it’s time to make some changes. There are plenty of ways to curb spending without drastically changing your lifestyle.

21. Your social media has changed

You used to post about your life and interests, but now most of your feed is dedicated to pictures and posts about your relationship.

When you stop posting about your own life and only post about what’s going on with your partner, it can signify that you’re losing yourself. This isn’t healthy for you or your relationship.


Spend some time alone doing things that make you happy. Reconnect with old friends and make new ones. You’ll be better equipped to handle a healthy relationship when you feel like yourself again.

How to Avoid Losing Yourself in a Relationship

It’s easy to get lost in a relationship. You start spending all your time with your partner and stop hanging out with your friends. Suddenly, you find yourself only doing things your partner likes. Before you know it, you’ve lost yourself completely. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Here are three tips for How to Avoid Losing Yourself in a Relationship:

  1. Make time for your hobbies and interests. It’s important to have things in your life that are just for you. When you make time for the things you love, it will be easier to resist getting pulled into your partner’s world 24/7.
  2. Spend time with your friends and family. They knew you before you were in a relationship and will still be there after the relationship ends. Spending time with them will help you stay grounded and remember who you are outside the relationship.
  3. Be honest with yourself about what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for a relationship that will change who you are, chances are you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Be honest about what you want and need from a partner, and don’t lose sight of those things just because you’re in a relationship.

What to do when you feel lost in your relationship

1. Boost your self-esteem: Make yourself a priority. Remember that you are deserving of love and respect simply as you are. Treat yourself with kindness and repeat positive affirmations. Related: How to Improve Your Self-esteem as a Woman? 

2. Create boundaries: Partners in a good relationship encourage one another to establish boundaries. Let your partner know what you require and what you find objectionable.

3. Set goals: If you are passionate about other aspects of life, you will be less likely to lose yourself. Find passion projects that inspire you to learn and grow. You’ll be more attractive, which is a bonus. Related: How to Set Personal Goals With 4 Simple Tips?

4. Practice self-care: Being kind to yourself makes you more resilient and stronger. This will also help you to realize your worth. Regular exercise and a healthy diet are critical to a healthy lifestyle. Get enough sleep and learn to manage stress constructively.

5. Spend time alone: Are you happy in your own company? To bond with others, having a healthy relationship with yourself is essential. Solitude can allow you to improve your self-awareness and center yourself.

6. Take a break: You might consider quitting dating if you are unhappy with your relationship life. Take the time to review your dating criteria and develop new ones.

7. Consider counseling: A therapist may also be helpful. This is especially true if child abuse or childhood problems affect adult behavior.


It’s normal to lose yourself a little bit in a relationship, but if you feel like you’ve lost yourself completely, it’s time to take action. By reconnecting with your hobbies, friends, and family, you can feel like yourself again. And if you’re honest about what you’re looking for in a relationship, you can avoid getting lost in the first place.

What are your tips for avoiding or finding yourself after losing yourself in an unhealthy relationship? Let us know in the comments!

If you’re struggling in an abusive relationship, don’t hesitate to seek help. A therapist can help you get to the root of your issues and start changing your life.

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