If you dated your husband for a very short period before getting hitched, you may not know that well about their likes/dislikes and other behavioral patterns.
He was so good and devoted to you that you didn’t think twice before saying “yes” when he proposed. You got the first heartbreak and disappointment when planning the wedding. Most of your suggestions and opinions were shot down by your husband’s family, especially his mother.
You let it be, thinking things will be smooth sailing once the wedding gets over. You were never more wrong in your entire life. Things got worse from then onwards. Your husband seems to choose his family over you whenever there arises a need to choose. You feel as if you are way low down on his priority list.
This may get you thinking, “My husband puts his family before me”.
Before you brand him as a mama’s boy, you should consider all aspects of the situation. People differ in their behavior in so many ways. Just because someone isn’t appreciating you the way you expected them to doesn’t mean they actually don’t appreciate you or they give more importance to someone else. Maybe he appreciates you in a different way than you’re used to. And, maybe, he appreciates others at the same time.
This article attempts to traverse this tricky path and explain how to recognize the signs your husband puts his family first. Here, you will also find suggestions on what to do when a husband puts his parents before his wife.
Signs your husband puts his family first
1. He listens to his family more
Whenever he wants help and support, he runs to his family instead of you. Every time he wants advice, he asks his family and not you. The thing that riles you the most is to see him follow what his family tells him verbatim.
You feel as if you are merely a spectator in the marriage. You never had any meaningful discussions in your marriage because he isn’t interested in what you have to say. Neither are you asked for your opinion nor are you offered help when you need it.
2. He spends more time with his family
Every holiday needs to be spent with his family. You have expressed your wish to go on a vacation somewhere, but your suggestions are always shot down by your husband. His family also seems to rally around him, prompting him to go against your wishes.
You are not wrong in wishing for some quality time with your husband. It is unfair of his family to interfere in your marriage. When your husband seems to find time for his family, but not you, your grievance is understandable.
3. He relies on his family to make decisions
That would be really hard for you to take. It is one thing to be ignored and disregarded. But this will take an altogether different turn when your husband takes help from his family while deciding important matters. Again, if it was his personal matter, it is a different matter. But when the matter concerns both of you, it is completely unfair on your husband’s part.
From this, it’s clear that he has no respect for you or your intelligence. Your husband is refusing to consider you as his partner and give you the respect you deserve.
4. He has no time for you
It’s ok if he wants to spend time with his family. You are ready to tag along whenever you can to keep peace in the family. However, things don’t end with this. He seems to have time for everyone except you.
That is indeed a sad turn of events. Not only is he not prioritizing you, but he is also not trying enough to make time for you. He has time for his friends and family but not for you. Though you live together, you feel lonely and isolated. There is no real connection in your relationship with your husband.
5. He disappoints you often
In a marriage, the partners are meant to take care of each other and give each other unconditional love and support. You have never received any of the above-mentioned love and care from him. Though you have lowered your expectations over time, you still feel disappointed often.
Whenever you have tried raising this issue with your husband, he dismisses you as over-pampered. He uses manipulation and gaslighting to rubbish your claims. At times you have wondered whether you married a narcissist. He indeed has narcissistic tendencies and signs of other personality disorders.
6. He leaves you alone to deal with hardships
The partners in a marriage are meant to stand by each other in good times and bad. To his credit, you can say with conviction that he is absent on both occasions. He doesn’t seem to be bothered when you are sick. However, he hits the roof when he hears about his mother’s sickness.
Because of his ignoring you on all counts, you are left alone to deal with running the house and your personal requirements. If children are involved, this can make matters worse. All you want from him is some consideration and respect you deserve to have as his wife. For you, this is the hardest to find in your relationship. If your husband puts his family first, this is one of the fallouts.
What to do when your husband puts his family before you?
Here are some suggestions you may consider when your husband puts his mother before you. When your husband lets his family disrespect you or you don’t feel important to your husband, you should be careful about your reaction as a wrong move can take away the advantage you enjoy.
Here are a few suggestions for your consideration.
- Accept your husband’s strong bond with his family.
- Pamper yourself with some me-time.
- Prioritize your family.
- Enjoy the freedom and take your decisions.
- Try to understand that he may not know how to shake off the influence of his family.
- Let him know how you feel about his behavior.
- Get away from it all. Take short and long vacations without the family.
- Try to understand his viewpoint and limitations.
- Try not to feel resentment toward your husband or his family
- Learn to take this in your stride.
Final thoughts on signs your husband puts his family first
When you watched the movie “Monster-in-law” a few years back, you never thought your life would resemble that. All you want and expect from your husband is love, attention, and time. You can put up with his overbearing family if only he will be good to you. If you notice the signs listed above, clearly your husband puts his family first.
When your spouse doesn’t put you first, family life can become unbearable. But before you jump to the conclusion that your husband always puts his family before you, you should also consider if this is part of his normal behavior.
If you don’t feel important to your husband, you always have the choice to walk away if nothing else works.