Breakups are never spontaneous, though it may seem so for someone who is not paying attention. Usually, you can see them coming from a mile away.
The reason is simple. Breakups aren’t easy. Even when a partner decides to break up, they find it hard to muster up the courage to go through with it. It’s the thought of letting down and hurting the person they loved the most that haunts them, making it hard to cut off ties.
Throughout this time when they are gathering the courage to make the final move, they will continue to send signals to indicate what they have in mind and planning to do.
While some find it comparatively easier to bow to fate and ready themselves to face the music, others have an arduous journey ahead of them. They use excuses and throw hints to avoid unpleasantness as much as possible. They may even want you to do the dirty job for you.
By postponing the fatal event, these men may succeed in avoiding hurting you and the guilt associated with breaking up. Let’s take a look at the hints and signs he wants to break up but wants to avoid the nastiness associated with a breakup.
15 signs he wants to break up with you
There are many things guys do when they want to break up. All you need to do is pay attention to the signs.
1. He avoids talking about the future
You two used to love making plans for the future, even when they are ludicrous and impossible to achieve. Now, every time you bring up the topic, he seems so distracted and uninterested. It’s clear that you’re no longer part of his future plans.
2. He gets active on dating sites
The first time you got to know about his interest in other women, you were shocked. You thought you two have a great thing going. Clearly, he doesn’t think so. You catch him texting and talking to other women. Maybe he is just sending out feelers and trying to gauge his viability in the dating scene. But you know that his eyes are roving.
3. He wants to have a serious talk about the relationship
He comes up with this request way too frequently nowadays. Whenever he sees trouble or disagreement, he wants to talk it out with you. Earlier, you used to sort these out through casual talk. This makes you wonder whether he is irritated by your long hours at the office or that you’re going out with your friends. Is this a pretext to make you stay at home?
4. You’re no longer his best friend and confidant
Until recently, every time something big or small happens in his life, he is bursting to tell you about it. Now, all that has changed. You got to know about his change of jobs or promotion from someone else. This makes you wonder what is going on.
5. You can do nothing right according to him
Whether you talk or stay silent, he finds fault with it. Even when you agree with him, he will find some flaws in it. No matter what you do, you are always doing something wrong and annoying him. Maybe he is worked up about breaking the news of ending the relationship with you. The bottled-up feelings are making him irrational and unreasonable.
6. He’s always unhappy and moody
All his genial and happy-go-lucky personality has vanished. He no longer jokes around or makes you laugh. Even your inside jokes don’t get him to laugh and open up. He always looks serious and busy when he is with you. Maybe he is debating how to tell you that he wants to break up with you.
7. He quarrels with you without reason
Or so it seems to you, at least. He may be thinking that picking fights with you will make you run away from him and the relationship. Most probably, he has already made up his mind to end the relationship but is too scared to break the news to you. He is trying hard to make you hate him and break up with him.
8. Intimacy is non-existent
Sex is one of the important things that brings two people together in a relationship and helps them stay in it. When he shows no interest in sex and intimacy, it is a clear sign of his waning interest in you and the relationship. He is just waiting for the right moment to tell you about it. Or he may be hoping that you will take the hint and make the first move.
9. He demands more space
Even in a healthy relationship, both partners should have personal space to do their thing. But his demand for space is much beyond this. This is encroaching on your time together. Maybe he wants to know how he will feel after cutting ties with you. Or he has already made up his mind and is just waiting for the right time to reveal his decision.
10. He’s too busy for you
All of us get deluged by work once in a while but using it as an excuse for spending less time with you should raise a red fag. This is one of the easiest and most common excuses used by guys when they want to break up. If you really mattered to him, he wouldn’t have allowed his busy schedule to come in between you and would have found a way to be with you.
11. He needs time for pursuing his personal goals
When he comes up with this excuse, it is clear that he has already made up his mind about you and the relationship. He obviously doesn’t want to hurt you but he wants to end the relationship. He finds this as a safe route to get what he wants without letting you down. Because he can chase his personal goal better by staying in the relationship.
12. He wants to sort out his past relationship
This is the worst kind of excuse he can come up with to break up with you. At the beginning of the relationship, he had made it clear to you that his past is a closed chapter and he is no longer in touch with his ex. Then, what does he mean by this? Is he still maintaining contact with his ex? Or has he rekindled romance with his ex? Whatever he is doing, he has lost interest in you and wants to break up.
13. The timing is not right for him
This is another poor excuse he uses to extricate himself from the relationship. Yes, timing indeed is important in a relationship. Such as, he is so busy with his career that he hardly has any time to devote to the relationship. But you have been with him for some time now and you have never seen him that busy at work. So, it naturally makes you wonder what he is talking about.
14. He is unsure of his feelings toward you
This is a clear indication that he wants to break up with you. If this weren’t an excuse, what was he thinking all this time he spent with you? He wants to end the relationship with you nicely without hurting your feelings.
15. He wants to go in a different direction
This happens with couples in even healthy relationships. Goals change with time and he may have recognized this. He doesn’t want you to make sacrifices for his sake. He thinks breaking up is the best choice for both of you.
From he isn’t ready for the relationship to he’s moving away and he’s incompatible, there can be any number of things guys do when they want to break up. Depending on the reason why he wants to end the relationship with you, he will be sending signs he wants to break up with you, if only you care to notice them.
It can be heartbreaking for you to be blindsided by your partner. You thought you were in love and had a great relationship going on. Only to be shown the door the very next moment.
Besides these valid or seemingly valid reasons for breaking up, your partner may also try to end the relationship if they are suffering from stress, anxiety, and depression. The ideal way to deal with this situation is to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your partner.