So much is written about the chemistry in a relationship and how important it is for its health and longevity. But the meaning of relationship chemistry is not the same for everyone. For instance, men and women have different perspectives about it.
Why so, you may ask. The simple answer is men are from Mars and women are from Venus. They are so varied in their outlooks that it makes you wonder how they come together to form such a beautiful relationship!
That is the whole point. Two individuals need not be similar and have similar tastes and interests to gel well. Often it is the other way around. Two people who are poles apart get along well with each other because they fill each other’s gaps. They tend to complete each other rather than compete with each other. This is the success of a relationship.
So, is dissimilarity a contributing factor to good chemistry in a relationship?
Read on to learn more about relationship chemistry from a man’s perspective. This article also explores how this can influence the outcome of a relationship.
What is relationship chemistry?
The chemistry in a relationship is felt rather than being something tangible. That makes it hard to explain. Let’s begin by explaining what it is not.
Chemistry in a relationship is not about the similarity in physical appearance. It is also not about compatibility in character traits, interests, beliefs, goals, or suchlike. Chemistry also doesn’t have anything to do with your partner checking all the boxes on your wishlist.
Relationship chemistry is the deep unexplainable bond between partners in a relationship. It is the spark that can light up the relationship for a lifetime.
In most relationships, the initial euphoria dies down after some time. If this spark is present in a relationship, it will ensure that the relationship remains fresh, romantic, and happy forever.
The tangible form of chemistry manifests in different ways in different people. Some feel it as butterflies in the stomach every time they set their eyes on their partner. Others may see chemistry as being comfortable in each other’s presence. The ability to open up, show one’s vulnerabilities, and futility of appearances are all viewed as part of chemistry.
Spending more time together, sharing responsibilities, doing things together, and accommodating each other’s wishes are considered relationship chemistry. For some others, this is more physical. Physical proximity, touching, and sex are the definitions of relationship chemistry.
All these different aspects of chemistry in a relationship lead us to one question. Do men and women have different definitions for relationship chemistry? If so, what does a man consider as relationship chemistry?
What does relationship chemistry mean for men?
In a relationship, at least in the initial days, so much is expected from partners. This prompts them to act in certain ways to keep up with the expectations. This is the norm rather than the rule. It takes years for partners to break down this wall and be normal and themselves in each other’s presence.
If your partner makes you feel normal and relaxed as if you are on your own from the word go, that is an aberration from the usual. Allowing your partner to be themselves and not compelling them to be the person you want them to be, shows your confidence and belief in the relationship and the partner themselves. Men consider this real chemistry.
There is an underlying reason as well for this. Women are considered too emotional and expressive and often living in their make-believe world. They enjoy the perfect world they have created for themselves and their partner. And unconsciously, they prompt their partners to join in this show, even if men find it hard and do not subscribe to the idea.
In their endeavor to make the relationship work smoothly, men tend to play along and act the part they are expected to. When a woman doesn’t demand this and allows the man the freedom to be himself, it is natural that the man considers this good chemistry. If something that is achieved after years of togetherness is possible from the beginning itself, that is a definite plus.
This is just the beginning. There are more to follow. Such as physical attraction and sex. Though chemistry is an intangible concept (experienced as an emotion and not with the senses), it has its physical manifestations. Men consider good physical compatibility and interactions a by-product of good relationship chemistry.
Does this mean that the absence of physical attraction equates to a lack of chemistry?
For most people, the physical manifestation of “chemistry” is an important indication. When they say there is no chemistry, it means that they don’t find you attractive or they are not attracted to you. However, because of the multi-faceted nature of a relationship, the physical, mental, and emotional aspects of the chemistry are all tangled up and impossible to be viewed or analyzed separately.
At least for a few people, chemistry in a relationship develops gradually as the relationship progresses, unlike an overwhelming majority who feel it from the first time they set eyes on each other. So, even if you didn’t feel the lightning bolt when you kissed first, it’s okay. And, remember these feelings can be one-sided as well. Unless your feelings are reciprocated in equal measure, all these indications of “chemistry” mean nothing.
How to know if your guy thinks there is chemistry in the relationship?
Either he will come outright and say so. Or you can look out for these gestures and behavioral patterns to ascertain what he thinks about you and the relationship.
- Eye contact
- Flirting behavior
- Open body language
- Facial expressions
- Maintaining a closer interpersonal distance
- Playful bantering
- Constant smile on the lips
- Maintaining focus on you
- Getting lost in time when with you
- Noticing even small things
You may also want to take a look at our guide on How Do You Know if You Have Chemistry with Someone.
How do you know that chemistry is bidirectional?
You may feel the chemistry but how to ascertain that your partner feels the same? Unless it is spelled out in so many words, there is no sure shot method for this. You can of course pay attention to body language and other interactions to gain an insight into their minds.
Here are a few tips to know that your partner feels the same way as you.
- He is comfortable in his own skin.
- He is easy and relaxed around you.
- He doesn’t try to hide anything from you.
- He doesn’t hesitate to reveal his vulnerabilities to you.
- He feels that he can share anything with you.
- You are the first person he wants to share good as well as bad news with.
- He brings out the best in you.
- Ego doesn’t have any role in your relationship.
- He doesn’t try to change you. He accepts you as you are.
What does it mean when a guy tells you that there is chemistry in the relationship?
Most often this means that he is sexually attracted to you, thinking about you in a sexual way, and find you sexually attractive. Even if he doesn’t verbalize this sexual chemistry, you can get an inkling of what is going on in his mind by watching his actions.
He may try his best to present himself in the best possible way to you, both physically and intellectually. The way he sits, his gestures, and the interpersonal distance he maintains with you are all indications of how he views his relationship chemistry with you.
While he maintains a foot or more distance from others including family and friends, he will keep you closer. And this distance will shorten as the relationship gets stronger. You will find him brushing his hand against yours or touching your shoulder or hands. You may find his eyes resting on you often. An open body language is a clear indication that he thinks there is chemistry in your relationship.
Some call it a spark, some others use the term “clicked”. People use all kinds of words to express the emotion they feel towards another person. All this leads us to one question – “Is chemistry important in a relationship?”
Yes, of course. In fact, chemistry is the essence of any relationship. It is an indication of whether the two people involved are happy in the relationship and enjoying it. Without chemistry, the relationship would just be an arrangement of convenience. You may also want to check out our ultimate guide on How to Build Chemistry in a Relationship.