When you connect well with another person and the relationship is strong and healthy, it is said that chemistry exists.
So, what exactly is chemistry in a relationship? Why does it exist? Is it just the work of hormones and neurotransmitters? Or is it your natural tendency towards reproduction? Is it the culmination of your shared interests and values? Or is it shared experiences that lead to intimacy?
We denote the close rapport and affection felt by two people as chemistry but have a hard time defining it and how chemistry occurs in a relationship. Maybe chemistry is the confluence of all these events and emotions.
This article explores the topic of chemistry in a relationship and comes up with some answers.
What do you mean by chemistry in a relationship?
There is no argument about how you feel when there is chemistry. The relationship is perfect and going in the right direction. But the question is why you feel chemistry with one person and not with another.
Research and studies on the subject have come up with numerous observations and theories. Research suggests that this emotion is called chemistry and it is for a reason. The involvement of hormones and neurotransmitters in bringing on the feeling of “chemistry” is too big to ignore. This means “chemistry” comes from biochemistry.
But is that all?
Neuroscientists and psychologists have broken down the relationship chemistry between two people into seven types.
Physical attraction or lust: This is the starting point of the relationship and this is where biochemistry comes into play. Appearance is the key element that gets you into this situation. To ensure that this is not just infatuation, give the relationship some time before proceeding to the next stage.
Shared goals: it is natural for two people with a common purpose to come together in a successful relationship. Shared interests, passion, and goals can be the beginning of a loving, and long-lasting relationship. With this move, you are assuring support in chasing your dreams.
Personal growth: When you find yourself stuck in life’s path, unable to find your way forward, a person who can get you out of the rut is welcomed with both hands. The gratitude felt can easily turn into attraction and ultimately relationship. A point to remember here is that a relationship cannot survive on the personal growth of one partner. There has to be more common ground for the relationship to flourish.
Offering inspiration: When one partner sees the other as their muse, attraction and relationship may follow. Also known as courting the muse, this kind of chemistry is typically short-lived. This is common among individuals in the creative field or those who are highly ambitious that they live in their imaginary world.
Soul connection: Soul mates and twin flames are relationships that come from past-life agreements or karmic connections. Some believe that two souls are linked to each other across lifetimes and they come together in each one. There is nothing wrong with this relationship as long as there is no compulsion or abuse.
Attachment or codependency: When there is an emotional connection with your partner, you will begin to rely too much on them for emotional support. When this attachment reaches unhealthy levels, it turns into codependency. You find it difficult to function as an individual and depend on your partner for your emotional needs.
Sexual chemistry: This is the most irresistible and dangerous of them all. When two individuals enter a relationship to satisfy their basal instincts, there are high chances of it turning toxic in a short time. Lust, codependency, or abuse are typical fallouts. However, sexual attraction is also a key ingredient in the most beautiful, sustaining, and healthy relationships. This is often referred to as “glue”.
How do you know if you have good chemistry with someone?
When natural chemistry exists between two people, it would be quite obvious and hard to hide or ignore.
1. Eye contact
Are you finding it hard to pry your eyes away from your partner? Eye contact is a good indication of the chemistry in a relationship. The way your eyes connect all the while says a lot about how intense your feelings are.
When you find someone attractive, you cannot help making eye contact with them. It is as if the entire world fades away and only you two are left in the room. Even if you are aware of the fact that you are staring, are feeling embarrassed, and want to look away, you feel helpless.
2. Playful bantering
Joking and teasing are typical signs of romantic chemistry. In the initial days, when you want to catch the attention of your partner, this method is often used to get close to the person and establish a rapport.
Somewhat similar to what children do to forge friendships, this includes harmless poking fun and playing pranks at each other, assigning pet names, shared laughter, and playfully bumping and shoving each other.
3. Body language
The first sign of the existence of physical chemistry between two people is the way your body reacts to the other person even without you being aware of it. You tend to prefer nearness to the person more than you do to others. You would find yourself leaning towards your partner more often. Butterflies in the stomach, blushing, and goosebumps are just a few ways your body reacts to the chemistry.
While we try to get a grip on our demeanor and put on an “it’s cool” face to the world, our body plays spoilsport and doesn’t play along. The reactions of the body are harder to control and so they come out without filters.
4. Subtle flirting
Even though this is along the expected lines, flirting in subtle ways is visible evidence of chemistry. This can be anything from placing your hands on your partner and holding hands to longer and tighter hugs and sneaking in kisses on the cheeks.
This is the time both of you are testing waters and checking whether the other is also equally interested. So naturally, you don’t want to reveal your real feelings. Subtle flirting helps to show your interest to the other person without letting the entire world know about it.
5. Time flies
When you are with your partner, you tend to lose track of time. You are so engrossed in each other that the rest of the world fades away and disappears. Even time seems to stand still. Once you are back in the real world, you are amazed at how much time you were together.
When you are with this person, you never feel at a loss for words or there is a paucity of things to do together. You can talk for hours without remembering what you were talking about. Or you can sit in comfortable silence forever.
6. High comfort level
One of the clear signs of chemistry is the ease of communication. You feel as if you can say anything you want to without being judged. There is no question of angering or annoying the person.
This helps you to relax and feel less anxious and nervous. Again, your instincts tell you to trust the person and this helps you to open up and talk without restraints.
You may also want to take a look at our guide on how to self soothe anxious attachment.
7. Blissful smile
You are happy, content, and feel on top of the world when you are with this person. There is a smile always lingering on your lips even without you being aware of it. This is a clear sign of the existence of chemistry in the relationship.
8. Notice small things
As this person is taking up all your attention and time, you are minutely aware of all changes in them – both physical changes and behavioral changes. It can be a new outfit or a hairstyle, or a new phone or a bag, or else it can be subtle variations in their behavior or mood swings.
When you are into someone, everything they do or say seems significant. Nothing is too inconsequential or trivial.
Despite the years of studies and research on the topic by countless scientists, we may have uncovered only a tiny bit about the mystery of relationships. It is commonly agreed that it is easier to say if there is chemistry in an existing relationship than to predict if there will be chemistry between two random individuals or when it will happen to a person.
Rest assured that someone claiming to have perfected this is bogus. Again, the charm of romance and relationship lies in its mysterious or unknown element. Dating is all about discovering when the biochemical reactions will be activated or by whom.
If at all you are searching for more predictability in this area, settle for shared passion and values. You are more than likely to succeed.
Resources related to “Chemistry in a Relationship”