So, you’ve been seeing this guy and spending time with him for the past few months but feel that something is off.
When you come right down to it, you sense that he’s not connecting with you emotionally. Probably, you are dealing with an emotionally unavailable man, a love-avoidant one at that.
Now that you are invested in him, you don’t have the heart to let him go. But how to make him reciprocate your feelings or even help him show his feelings to you?
An emotionally unavailable man is known to keep his feelings bottled up inside because he comes with an insecure attachment style. He may doubt whether you’re the one for him or he may fear the feeling of love itself.
As part of your strategy to help him overcome his limitations, you decide to pull away temporarily. You believe that you can get his attention by ghosting him. Theoretically, this may sound like a good plan.
But before you go ahead with this plan, you should know what happens when you ignore an emotionally unavailable man. As he is different from a normal person, his reactions may not be what you expect and may surprise you.
This article will help you understand how the mind of an emotionally unavailable man works. Here you will find the possible outcomes of walking away from an emotionally unavailable man.
Consequences of ignoring an emotionally unavailable man
You may already be in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. In your efforts to help him open up, you try the “ignore the guy” strategy. This would make an ordinary person sit up and take notice. This is an excellent strategy to get his attention. But this tactic may not work with an emotionally unavailable man. It may even backfire on you.
Let’s see the possible scenarios of letting go of an emotionally unavailable man.
1. He starts falling apart
This is the worst thing that can happen and it will make you feel responsible for his current predicament. Your intention was good, but you ended up making it worse.
He may be thinking that things are going great and then you spring this on him all of a sudden. He is going to suffer the worst shock of his life and it is bound to leave a deep mark on his mental health.
He may experience stress, anxiety, and depression. He may withdraw further within. The worst part is he will suppress all his feelings. He won’t say a word about what he is going through; not to you or his family and friends. As usual, he will be waging a lone battle.
2. His self-esteem is dented
Being a person suffering from an insecure attachment style, his self-esteem is already low. His insecurities and doubts don’t allow him to form healthy relationships. When he falls in love with you, he expects validation and support from you to make the relationship work.
When you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, you are doing just the opposite. Instead of validating him, you are making him feel more insecure and pulling him down further. By pulling away from him, you are in fact proving his doubts about you and the relationship right.
When you abandon him, his self-worth is so damaged that he finds it difficult to form a meaningful relationship with you or anyone else in the future.
3. His old wounds open up
When he built the relationship with you, he was learning to put his past behind him. Most probably his emotionally unavailable behavior was a result of the pain he experienced in the past. Now, with you ignoring him, his mind will get flooded with those unpleasant and troubling memories.
Maybe his last girlfriend also abandoned him just when he thought he had it all figured out. Maybe after that heartbreak, he promised himself never to love again. But somehow he fell in love with you and your relationship happened. Now, he is regretting that he ever set eyes on you. He will promise himself to never trust a girl ever again.
With your drastic step, you are breaking his heart into a thousand pieces with no chance of putting it back together ever again.
4. He lashes back at you
Yes, he is sad but insanely angry at you as well. He feels that you cheated and tricked him into the relationship. The way you treated him makes him so angry that he gives you the same treatment. He wants to hurt you the same way you hurt him.
You may have thought that by ignoring him, you can make him regret the way he treated you. You may think that he will seek your forgiveness and want you back in his life. Unfortunately, it rarely happens this way. You’ll end up losing him altogether.
Emotionally unavailable people are not exactly vengeful but when you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, you are hitting him hard where it hurts. Then, he will stop at nothing to get revenge on you. He may feel that you’re toying with his feelings and making a mockery of the relationship. He will not tolerate that.
5. He doesn’t trust you anymore
One moment you tell him that you love him and care for him. The next moment you ignore him. When you blow hot and cold like that, he finds it hard to figure out what to make of you. As he is already in a precarious mental health situation, he decides that you are no longer trustworthy.
Even if you try to explain your reasons for ignoring him, he may not be willing to listen. As such, he cannot trust anyone or open up to others. After so much effort he managed to connect with you. Now your rejection has hit him hard. Even if the reason for your behavior is good and well-intentional, he shuts his door on you.
No matter how hard you try, he will not budge from his decision.
6. He breaks up with you
With the trust gone, he has no option but to let you go. He finds it hard to connect with you at any level or be in a meaningful relationship with you. He is not getting the stability or validation that he is seeking from you. He sees your action as a red flag and he is no longer keen on spending time with you.
Even if you convince him to come back and continue the relationship, you cannot hope for a healthy relationship with him unless he understands why he needs to change and actually manages to form a meaningful attachment with you.
You began all this to get him closer to you but ended up losing him completely.
Final thoughts on ignoring an emotionally unavailable man
If you are contemplating this tactic to get your guy to mend his ways and establish an emotional attachment with him, you are in for a rude shock. Instead of things getting better, they may actually get worse. He may walk away from you as he finds it difficult to trust you.
If you love this guy and are interested in continuing this relationship, the best choice for you would be to continue loving him and spending time with him, hoping that your love will work magic on him. This is not fiction but something that actually happens in real life. Love can indeed change people.
If he really loves you, even if he is incapable of revealing it, he will work hard to overcome his shortcomings for your sake. If he is not in love with you, none of this matters. It’s best for all concerned that you leave him.