You thought you found yourself the perfect partner. It was a dream come true when you got married.
Unfortunately, not all fairytales have happy endings. It was not long before the two of you realized that your differences are irreconcilable. After much heartache and hardship, you parted ways. Strangely, the saga didn’t end there.
A short while after the breakup, your ex started contacting you. Calls, texts, and in-person – your ex tries all means to keep in touch with you. But as far as you can see, your ex is interested only in staying friends and not in rekindling the relationship.
This makes you wonder, Why does my ex want to be friends so badly?
If you understand the mechanics of human relationships, this is not much of a mystery. Your ex is so used to your presence in their life that they find it hard to continue without you. The emotional connection the two of you share is not easy to build overnight with another person. Your ex is willing to be friends with you to benefit from the emotional connection.
If you are still not convinced about this, read on. In this article, you would get to know all the reasons for your question, why does my ex want to be friends so badly. Here, you will also find your options and how you will be impacted. Also included here are suggestions on how you can manage the situation.
Why does my ex want to be friends so badly?
When your ex walked away from the relationship, they didn’t think much about the consequences of their action. Later on, they realized that they don’t want to lose you, even if they are not in favor of reviving the relationship. The next best choice is to be friends with you.
This means your ex doesn’t want to be in an intimate relationship with you but just wants to be friends to hold on to the connection. However, if you care to see this situation from your ex’s perspective, it makes perfect sense.
With this move, your ex can eliminate the guilt of abandoning you as well as keep you close enough to enjoy the amazing emotional connection you share.
Unfortunately, for you, this situation is not so lucrative. Maybe the breakup was on good terms and you may consider your ex a good person. But that doesn’t diminish what your ex is doing to you. They deceive you into believing that friendship is merely the first step and there is more in store for you.
Your ex will have you believe that if things go well, you have a good chance of getting back together. They will tag you along for months until they find someone else to replace you.
So, where does this leave you?
When you fall for their gimmicks of friendship, you will choose to leave your healing process after the breakup. All the while your ex strings you along on this wild goose chase, you are going to hurt more and more. On the other hand, your ex will be pressurizing you to accept the situation or forgive them for ending the relationship with you.
Your ex may also want to remain friends with you for reasons other than this. They may want to be friends with benefits. The benefits typically relate to sex but it can also be about money, contacts, or something else you can offer to make their life better and easier.
This is like having the cake and eating it. Your ex wants to come out as a winner, no matter how the dice fall. To have it their way, your ex is forcing your hand to settle for a friendship instead of a committed relationship. This is way less than you deserve.
Common reasons for your ex’s actions
After the breakup, your ex naturally wants to keep you at arm’s length but doesn’t want you to get away either. With the offer to stay friends, they are keeping you tethered without allowing you to get too close. A perfect solution to an impossible situation – from your ex’s perspective.
However, the whole situation is unfair from your viewpoint. When you agree to remain friends with your ex after the breakup, it will eliminate the chances of loss for your ex and shut all doors on you getting what you desire.
Here are some of the typical reasons for your ex to want to stay friends with you after the breakup.
- They feel guilty.
- They regret ending the relationship.
- They fear not finding someone to replace you.
- They are nostalgic about the past with you.
- They don’t want to lose the benefits of being in a relationship.
- They feel insecure and unsure about the future.
- They are unhappy and lack confidence.
- They want to continue to be in touch with you.
Probably, your ex thinks that you are not so sensitive and will take this in your stride. However, this is not the case with most people. In addition to the hurt caused by the breakup, this situation will add more misery and may make it worse for you. You may take up the offer to stay friends in the hope that it will lead to reconciliation. When this is nowhere to be seen, your pain will continue to go up in intensity.
You will feel the pain until you have moved away from its source, that is, your ex.
How does your ex force you into staying friends?
When you break up, both you and your ex may be having a hard time adjusting to make the transition to single status. At the same time, the two of you will be missing your life together and the presence of the other in each other’s lives. This can give rise to guilt.
Being the one who walked out of the relationship, your ex will feel the guilt more. They will be concerned about your well-being. Your ex may feel that by choosing friendship, they will feel less regret and guilt. They will start forging a friendship with you.
Unfortunately, when your ex extends their hands to stay friends, they may deliberately mislead you into believing that there is more in store for you. Friendship is just the beginning and, in all possibilities, your connection will develop into an intimate relationship. And, if you are not careful, you will fall for this hook, line, and sinker.
Once you are in, you may find it impossible to get out. You will get sucked deeper and deeper and find helpless to get out of the mess you find yourself in.
Can you stay friends and revive your relationship with your ex?
If you want to know if there is a possibility for this to happen, the simple answer is yes. There is always a chance of your ex falling in love with you once again. You may continue to be friends initially and your ex may date someone else. When your ex’s relationships fail, again and again, you will be the one left to console them when they want emotional support. One day your ex will wake up to the obvious that what they have been searching for is right with them.
If you want to know the probability or the odds of this happening, you would be sorely disappointed. Staying friends with your ex and turning it into love and a relationship doesn’t look viable. The odds of this happening are not great. For the simple reason that your ex already has you for emotional support. So, they won’t feel the need to convert this friendship into something more.
Even while your ex is not in a hurry to get back together with you and would like to explore other opportunities, you will be left high and dry. You take your ex’s behavior as a positive step toward reconciliation. Since you want that as well, you refrain from dating anyone else. This can make you frustrated.
Ultimately, you will realize that you are waiting for your ex to get tired of dating others and come back to you. You have no clue how long this will take or if it will ever happen. While this drama is playing out, you are compelled to offer moral support to your ex. That is not a good situation for you to be in.
To sum it up, we can say that staying friends with your ex in the hope of turning it into a relationship after a breakup is a possibility, but the probability is quite low. In simple words, it can be said that this may happen, but the odds of it happening are not very high.
Is it a good idea to be friends with your ex?
After the breakup, you need to focus on healing and getting back on your feet. When you agree to be friends with your ex in the hope that someday this friendship will turn into a relationship, you are hampering the healing process. Not only are you not healing, but staying friends can also add more stress and anxiety to you.
The more your ex plays around and delays coming back to you, the more frustrated you will become. Just remember that there is no guarantee that your ex will be ready to revive your relationship because all they offered was to stay friends. It was you who assumed the rest.
All these can delay your healing and recovery from the trauma of the breakup. Your mental health will go down and along with it your physical health. Moreover, you will be wasting away your days waiting for your ex and blocking your own attempts to move on.
After the breakup, you should prioritize your time and energy on your own happiness and well-being. Even being near your ex is not good for your mental well-being as your wounds are still open and fresh. In your efforts to get in favor of your ex, you may neglect your happiness and well-being.
While this arrangement is a win-win situation for your ex, you will end up with a lot of heartaches, sometimes all for nothing, instead of achieving happiness and peace of mind. Considering the amount of pain and hurt you have to go through for this, it is just not worth it.
Is there a foolproof way to be friends with your ex?
Despite all the warnings, if you still want to be friends with your ex after a breakup, you better set some clear boundaries. You need to ensure that your ex is not tampering with your emotions so that you will still have the space to heal after the breakup.
This means not crossing the line of friendship. In other words, avoiding physical intimacy with your ex. Though you may feel that this will help in your goal of getting back together, it can complicate matters much and hamper your healing process after the breakup.
However, you may find it hard to stay within the boundaries and stay friends yourself. You may find your emotions and desires running wild and out of control when you are near your ex. To stay within limits, avoid spending too much time alone with your ex or engaging in couples activities.
Staying friends with an ex is possible if you are healed completely after the breakup. Don’t attempt this when the wounds are open and still fresh. Once you have your emotions under control, you may give this a chance. You need to stay emotionally detached and think rationally.
You may also have to change the way you interact with your ex. You can no longer treat them like your partner after the breakup. You need to learn how to treat your ex as a friend. In short, don’t do anything that you wouldn’t do with a friend.
If you were wondering, why does my ex want to be friends so badly, you must have gotten your answer from this article. Now you must be aware of the pitfalls of entering into such an arrangement with your ex and what you need to do to protect yourself. However, the ideal step for you would be to stay away from your ex after a breakup.
Enforcing the no-contact rule after a breakup can help you avoid getting into tricky situations like this. This will give the two of you the much-needed time and space to recuperate from the breakup. If your ex isn’t agreeing to the no-contact rule and trying to stay in touch with you, you can be firm about it. Your ex may use anger and guilt-tripping to get you to change your mind. Your ex may play the victim to get their way.
Don’t fall for such bullying tactics. Stand firm with what you want.
If you’ve been wondering whether your ex still has feelings for you, then you won’t want to miss this post on “11 Signs Your Ex is Leaving the Door Open“. Click to learn more and discover if there’s a chance for reconciliation.