Is your boyfriend using you for a place to live? How preposterous that is?
Though improbable it may sound, this can be true. In this world full of cheats and imposters, nothing can be ruled out. You may be reading this article because you have this nagging thought at the back of your mind. Is he really using you?
Let’s get down to brass tacks and check it out.
He seems to be a nice guy. You met him on a dating app a while back and felt he is the right kind of partner for you. You started dating him almost immediately.
Though you have been cautious at the beginning, you warmed up to him. You found him handsome and charming. Sometimes you have wondered what he sees in you but dismisses such thoughts as soon as they pop up in your mind saying, “Enjoy the moment while it lasts”.
You have been dating for a month when one day you found him all agitated. He said his landlord has asked him to move immediately and he has nowhere to go. It seems natural for you to offer your home to him. You asked him to move in with you.
He said it will be a temporary measure until he finds a place. This was six months back. He is still staying with you. Now you wonder whether you did the right thing or not. Your relationship seems to have cooled off, but he doesn’t show any inclination to move out. All this is making you wonder whether he is using you for a place to live.
How to tell if a man loves you or is using you for a place to live?
This article explores this murky area in relationships and comes up with clear signs for you to look out for to protect yourself from shady boyfriends. Here you will find a list of red flags and warning signs he is using you for a place to live.
How to tell if a man is using you for convenience?
Understandably, you don’t want to entertain these thoughts but the evidence against him is piling up that you cannot ignore anymore. It breaks your heart to even think that he is using you for a place to live.
Before you confront him with such an allegation, you naturally want to make sure that your suspicion is right and merits investigating further. The best choice open to you is warning signs. These are red flags that go up when something wrong is happening in your life. All you need to do is pay attention and take the necessary action.
Let’s check out these red flags.
1. He is not as affectionate.
When you offered him to move in with you, you thought it was a good idea. You believed that he is the man you have been searching for all your life. He was charming and affectionate.
However, after a few weeks of moving in with you, all these seem to have vanished. He is less affectionate and acts a bit distant from you at times. He’s rarely available when you need him. He’s nice to you only when he wants something from you. You aren’t sure if this is just your imagination though.
If he is using you for a place to live, his actions are consistent. But you cannot use this sign alone to close the case against him. Stay alert. Better check out more clear signs before coming to a conclusion.
2. He doesn’t contribute.
As he is staying in the house, you would appreciate it if he is pitching in with some help around the house. He doesn’t help you with shopping, cooking, or cleaning. He doesn’t take out the trash even at times when you asked him to.
All he does is laze around the house and eat up the things you painstakingly make despite your buddy schedule. You really can do with some help from him and you have tried telling him this multiple times. He behaves as if he doesn’t understand.
He acts as if he is a guest at your place. He doesn’t care about the effort you are putting in to run the place. Even if he is sharing the rent with you, this is not fair.
3. He’s jobless.
Was it a ruse he used in the beginning? Did his landlord actually ask him to move?
When you met him initially, he told you that he is a high-flying investment banker. So, you assumed he earns a sizable paycheck. But after he moved in with you, he hasn’t worked even a single day. He’s always at home. Did he lie to you about the job? Was he looking for a free place to live?
You are willing to forgive him if it was just one lie. He lost his job and wanted a place to crash. So he made up a story about the landlord. That is fine. But he seems not interested in finding another job. It has been six months now and he is still jobless.
This is a cause for serious concern. It looks like your guy is taking advantage of you.
4. He’s always broke.
He doesn’t have a job and isn’t actively looking for another. If what he told you about his high-end job is true, he should have sizable savings to get him through this phase. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Whenever he needs money, he borrows from you.
He always promises you that he will return your money. But after all these months, you have started doubting his words. He borrows money not only for buying groceries, paying bills, or other household expenses but also for his personal needs.
Now, the picture is getting clearer for you. The landlord story was just a ploy to get you to agree to the live-in arrangement. Maybe he lost his job or maybe he didn’t have a job at all. When he started dating you, his only goal was to get a free place to live.
5. He isn’t interested in going on proper dates with you.
If he is using you for a place to live, this is understandable. All he wants from you is free accommodation. He isn’t interested in anything else.
He is jobless and penniless. So, naturally, he doesn’t afford to ask you out on dates. When you ask him out, he may feel embarrassed that he cannot afford to pay. In fact, you are amazed at his range of excuses to avoid paying for things.
If his story is genuine, he will at least try to make it up to you in any way he can. He won’t ignore you after all that you have done for him. Most probably he is a freeloader.
6. He’s not making any effort to move out.
When you agreed to his moving in, that was the agreement. This arrangement was supposed to be a temporary one. He said he will move out as soon as he finds another place. It has been six months now and he doesn’t show any inclination to find another place.
With you, he is getting a free place to live with free food and no responsibilities or expenses. So, why should he consider moving out if his intention was not genuine in the first place? You just need to wake up to the fact that he has no plans for moving out.
7. Free sex is another attraction for him.
He is staying at your place for free and mooching money from you. This is not all. He is using you for his sexual needs. With no commitment, you don’t know how to deal with this situation.
You agreed to the arrangement thinking he is in love with you as much as you loved him. But after moving in, his behavior doesn’t support this impression. Sex is another freebie he is enjoying at your expense. And, he has no plans for a long-term commitment.
This is a warning sign you shouldn’t ignore.
Final thoughts on a boyfriend using you for a place to live
Men like these are plentiful in this big bad world. It’s up to you to stay alert and avoid getting into situations like this. Even if you find yourself with a boyfriend who is using you, better act now rather than later.