If you’re the kind of person who always rushes in to the rescue of a woman before anyone else, you have a higher chance of ending up with a woman with a borderline personality disorder.
You’re not to be blamed for this. Because a woman with borderline personality disorder tends to be deceivingly sweet, romantic, and act helpless. Together with their vivacious and sensitive behavior, you cannot be faulted for falling for them. Their bubbly outlook is so appealing and infectious that they make excellent friends and exciting dates.
However, this story doesn’t have a “they lived happily ever after” ending. With a mental health condition like BPD, she won’t be able to sustain this behavior for long. If you are looking for a long-term partner, a woman suffering from a borderline personality disorder may not be the right choice for you. In that case, you should learn to spot a borderline woman early on.
This article will help you with signs to spot a borderline woman. Once you recognize the signs, you can steer clear of them and avoid getting involved in a complex and confusing relationship with such a woman.
Signs to spot a borderline woman
When you went on the online dating site, you didn’t have a clue about the mess you’ll end up with. You never thought the sweet girl you met the other day at the party can turn out to be such an energy vampire.
We do often get deceived by the looks and outward behavior of people, especially someone with a personality disorder. Because they are good at hiding their true colors, most of the time unintentionally.
However, if you want to avoid dating a borderline female, you should check out these signs.
1. She’s perfect
There is no other way to put it. She’s everything that you ever wanted in your partner. She’s the sweetest and most beautiful woman you’ve ever come across. On top of all these, she makes you feel that you’re special and the best thing that ever happened to her.
If you didn’t fall for this, you must be certified as an idiot.
Unfortunately, none of these are real. This is just a passing phase for her in the relationship. Called idealization, this is a defensive mechanism typically found in people with BPD at the initial stages of a relationship.
Unfortunately for you, neither does she believe that you’re unique and special nor is she as sweet and charming as you see. Both these are put-on acts of a beautiful woman with borderline personality disorder. Her beauty is the only real part.
So, you may be wondering how to spot a borderline woman. Maybe you have heard the saying – If something is too good to be true, it probably is. Take a hint from that.
2. She buys you expensive gifts
This is not after moving in together or dating for months. You barely know each other and she starts showering nice and expensive gifts on you. Don’t be blinded by the attention and love she is giving you. Keep your eyes and ears open. You will definitely sense something is amiss.
3. She’s too quick to say “I love you”
You may not notice this as this is what your heart desires. You fell for this woman’s charms and can’t wait for her to reciprocate the feelings. But “love at first sight” happens only in movies and books. Even if it happens in real life, you don’t admit it so easily. You may take time to process your feelings before you say it aloud.
If she’s using the word “love” to describe her feelings for you too soon, that is a red flag.
4. She portrays her ex as the villain
She paints a picture of a victim of abuse for herself and makes her ex appear evil and oppressor. Don’t fall for this narrative entirely. Take it with a pinch of salt. If she is normal, there is a possibility that this is true. But she is making it all up if she is a BPD woman. Or this can be her perception as well.
Keep your mind open and verify the facts.
5. She’s too eager to jump into bed
This may have caught your attention but you may have dismissed it as a genuine case of instant love. The more you resisted, the bolder she got. You felt it odd and a bit uneasy but let it pass.
You can understand this tendency when it’s a crush or an infatuation. But believing it as part of true love is stretching it too far. This should ring an alarm for you.
6. She gets jealous when you mention other women
This need not even be your ex or remotely romantic in nature. You may talk about your female friends or colleagues and her jealousy gets triggered. You can easily see that she’s not enjoying it anymore.
Borderline personality disorder is closely associated with insecure feelings. The mention of a woman may trigger insecurity and she will view this woman as a competitor and a threat. She may develop something known as “delusional jealousy” and she may assume that you’re being unfaithful.
7. She drinks excessively and/or uses drugs
A BPD woman will have a higher affinity to both. Though you cannot conclude that if a woman drinks or uses drugs, she has a borderline personality disorder. This is something that should alert you that she may be a borderline woman.
People with BPD use alcohol and substance abuse to dull their pain and anxiety.
8. She is awkward with compliments
This alone cannot be used as a sign to identify someone with BPD. But keep in mind that a borderline woman will display this behavior. A BPD person is prone to self-loathing and feeling unworthy and flawed. With such low self-esteem, they will find it hard to believe that your compliment is sincere and genuine.
9. She finds it difficult to own up to her mistakes
This cannot be considered the universal truth but stands good in most cases of borderline personality disorder. A borderline woman may have trouble accepting the blame and apologizing for her mistakes. She’ll try her best to avoid these. That is another red flag for you.
10. She’s often temperamental
At times she’s happy and cheerful. At other times, she is gloomy and overly sensitive. There are times when she displays extreme anger, lashing out at you in the most vicious ways.
When you start noticing her shift from a happy and content mindset, you should realize that it is the end of the idealization phase. It signifies the beginning of the devaluation phase. Her mood swings are intense and extreme, not like that of a normal person.
You can use this as a sign to spot a borderline woman.
Final thoughts on how to spot a borderline woman
She may be willing to do anything to make you happy. Though you are enjoying this, this may not be realistically possible for a normal person. Everyone has their own agenda and selfish goals.
Don’t be fooled by the portrayal of BPD women in movies like Obsession and Fatal Attraction. BPD women are not evil at heart or want to hurt you. They are kind and sensitive but unfortunate enough to be affected by one of the worst mental health disorders known to us.
A borderline woman is also seeking love and a relationship like us all. However, her behavior betrays her. With such low levels of self-esteem and her heart filled with self-hate, she can hardly love herself, let alone another person.
A final word of caution for those looking for dates on online dating sites. These online platforms seem an extremely attractive proposition to people with personality disorders, especially borderline personality disorder.