Most of us cannot lead a secluded life. This means interacting with others every day. This also means you may get hurt by their behavior at times.
In the past, when you had to deal with someone who hurt you emotionally, you ignored it saying it was no big deal. You may have told yourself to grow up and learn moving forward. If this worked for you in the past, no harm was done. But you need to realize that there are better ways to deal with someone who hurt you emotionally.
Such as discussing it with your friends or a family member, focusing on self-care and self-love, or distracting yourself by making new friends, having fun, and enjoying life. It’s not always good brushing the emotional trauma under the carpet and moving forward in life. Sometimes, ignoring the emotional pain and sadness can make it worse.
You can also consider talking it through with someone who hurt you emotionally. However, it’s important to channel your emotions on the right path and not get carried away by the situation. It matters how you react to the incident and how you express your feelings to someone who hurt you emotionally.
This article delves into this emotional minefield and comes up with some positive suggestions on how to deal with someone who hurt you emotionally. Irrespective of which one of these suggestions you choose to follow, you must be dealing with the emotional trauma rather than neglecting it and moving forward. Or else, it may come back to bite you later.
What to do when someone has hurt you deeply?
In your daily life, you may come across someone who hurts your feelings and doesn’t care. This may be a friend, a family member, a colleague, or a stranger. Your immediate reaction would be to get back at someone who hurt you emotionally. When your emotions are wounded and your heart is filled with negative emotions, you choose to react to the situation. This can never end well for you.
If you aren’t happy with your past strategies for dealing with these kinds of situations, why not try some new techniques? After all, you have nothing to lose and a new successful technique to gain!
Let’s get started.
1. Pause for a minute and take a deep breath
When you are hurt by someone’s words or actions, your emotional pain would prompt you to react. You will lash out and retaliate in equal measure. At that moment, your mind will be filled with negative emotions, making it hard for you to think with clarity. The best advice you will ever receive is not to do anything without thinking it through or understanding the consequences.
If you can control your response, you can avoid getting hurt more or hurting others. Make it a habit not to react in anger. You may take deep breaths or count to 10 or 20 to calm yourself down. Once you regain the ability to think, evaluate the situation.
2. Understand what happened
It would be unfair to paint all incidents with the same brush. Just because you are hurt and suffering from emotional pain doesn’t automatically mean the other person is at fault. Avoid jumping to conclusions and making presumptions. Analyze the situation with a level head and calm mind.
Was it deliberate or unintentional? Is the person who hurt you aware of the emotional pain they caused you? Is it all a big misunderstanding? Has this person hurt you before or is it the first time? If this is a frequent occurrence, have you talked to the person about it?
There are so many facets and perspectives to the same incident. Viewing it from one angle is not going to help you figure out a solution. While you are well aware of your perspective of the incident, take extra effort to see it from the viewpoint of the perpetrator. In short, figure out the truth.
3. Desist from defending your position
If you decide to confront and talk it through with someone who hurt you emotionally, taking a defensive approach is not recommended. If you approach the person with hostility and a defensive attitude, ready to see only your point of view, it is not going to lead anywhere. In fact, you may end up worsening the situation.
Unless you can engage with the person with an open heart and attitude, you may remain where you are. If the offender is also taking the same stubborn stand, the talk will become meaningless. Both of you will stick to your stances and that will be the end of the discussion. It will end in a stalemate.
Instead, try giving the person who hurt you a chance to explain their side of the story. And, try to take it in without prejudice and judgment. If both parties show the same open-heartedness, it is easy to find an amicable solution to the situation.
4. Forgo your insistence on being always right
Most of us have a strong opinion on what is right and what is wrong. And, we think we are always on the right side – doing the right thing, thinking the right thoughts. Whenever we have a conflict with another person, we tend to see ourselves on the right side and the other person on the wrong side.
However, this need not be the case in all situations. Just because you have a difference of opinion with this person doesn’t mean you are right and the other person is wrong. You need to accept that different people can have diverse views on the same topic and none of them are wrong. Each one of those viewpoints is right in its own way.
You can agree to disagree and avoid a conflict situation.
5. Own up to your mistakes and apologize
Whenever there is a conflict between two people, the fault rarely lies with one. Often one is more at fault and the other may have contributed to the situation in some way or the other. If you are the minor contributor, own up to your part and render your apology without ifs and buts. You need not wait for the other person to apologize. You can take the lead and say sorry first.
You need to apologize only if you have done something wrong and not because you feel guilty for some past episodes. Don’t drag in the past and mix it up with the present. Just remember that two wrongs don’t make a right. Don’t justify your actions by referring to the past either.
Final thoughts on how to deal with someone who hurt you emotionally
One of the most important points to remember when you have to deal with someone who hurt you emotionally is not to react but learn to control your impulse and respond appropriately after evaluating the situation. When you are hurt by the behavior of another person, especially a friend or a family member, try not to retreat into a shell or go on an all-out attack.
Instead, reach out to the person and try to figure out the middle path. Don’t consider this as a submissive attitude or surrendering or agreeing with the person. You are just giving the person the opportunity to explain their position and showing a willingness to listen to them without prejudgment.
When you show the magnanimity to listen to your offender with an open heart, they may accept their role in the incident without you having to say or do anything. This strategy works better in the long run as you can eliminate repetition of the same offense.
Don’t let the pain consume you, find out how to express yourself and heal in our article on what to say to someone who has hurt you deeply.