“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” – Kahlil Gibran
Separation is like a double-edged sword. It shatters your heart into fragments and creates a void in your life only to help you realize that no one else can fill it. Separation is meant as a first step to parting ways permanently but it can act as the first step to loving each other unconditionally.
In a marriage, couples choose to live separately when daily spats get too much to handle and/or they can’t stand the sight of each other. And, there is no doubt that this is a good decision.
Both parties need time to cool off and evaluate where they stand in the relationship. They need to decide what is important to them. This is the reason why the separation period is mandatory for divorce before the court of law. You are given time to reassess your priorities.
During the separation stage, things can go either way. There is a 50-50 chance of reconciliation. It is up to you to make the best of the opportunity and win your wife back during separation.
Your mind would be teeming with questions right now. Is getting back with my wife after separation really possible? Can I make my wife love me again? Will she accept me again? Are there any signs my separated wife wants to reconcile?
This article attempts to answer these questions and more about getting back together after separation. You will also find here the positive signs during the separation stage to look out for.
What caused separation?
To know how to get your ex-wife back after separation, you should go back a while and start where the discord between the two of you began. What are the events that led to separation?
You need to know this to correct your mistakes and win her back. It is also vital to not repeat the same mistakes after reconciliation. Or else all the effort will go to waste.
Though it is hard to generalize individual behavior and what is alright or what works in a marriage, it is possible to find some common threads that run through individuals and couples in our society.
Usually, separation doesn’t happen because of a single event or even a couple of them. You have been walking the path to separation long before you even realized it. Little things add up and become too big that you can no time ignore.
It is like the proverbial straw on the camel’s back. It has been building for a long time and you have been ignoring it all the while. Then some incident happens and all hell breaks loose. This incident may be too trivial that you feel foolish.
However, blaming the separation on this trivial incident is absurd. That was just the tipping point.
Let’s see the probable reasons for separation.
Lack of communication
The role of communication in the success of a relationship cannot be emphasized enough. The reason for its absence can be numerous – too busy with work, inability to express emotions, or withholding from sharing your good and bad times.
Each one of these on its own may not be a big deal. But in a relationship, things have this tendency to accumulate, unless you do something to clear it. Without communication, you don’t stand a chance.
Lack of effort
Marriage doesn’t come with the fairy tale “happily ever after” endings. It is hard work and needs constant care and maintenance. You must invest time and effort in your marriage to reap rich dividends.
When you are not putting in the effort to make each other feel special and ignore the wants and needs, the distance between the two of you will start growing until one fine day it blows up.
Infidelity and abuse
While the earlier reasons were hidden, these are obvious causes for separation. Your wife may not be aware of your actions or intentions but will wake up to it one day or the other. And you cannot blame her for the decision to separate as the marriage has lost its meaning and sanctity.
An unforeseen monetary crisis, inability to meet expectations, unreasonable demands, or overly spending habits are common causes for marital discord. Unless there is good communication and maturity in dealing with these issues, this is hard to resolve.
After you get to the bottom of the “why” of separation, you can start drawing up a plan to get your wife back.
How to get your wife back after she leaves you?
When your wife decides to split, it must have hurt your ego. You still love her and want her back. Find out how far you are willing to go to win her love and respect.
These are a few suggestions you can try to get back into her good books.
1. Be the change
Are you blaming yourself for the disaster or do you think of yourself as the victim? The blame game is not going to get you anywhere other than divorce. When things go downhill in a relationship, there is a good chance that both parties have their share of the blame.
Do you expect your wife to make the first move? Do you want her to change before you even consider it? If you want her back, you should be the one taking the initiative.
Trying to change another person or making them admit their mistakes is a futile exercise. Instead, try to change your perspective and your actions. You have a better chance of success.
2. Learn the art of communication
At the risk of being repetitive, good communication skills can open even closed doors. After spending a few days or even weeks on introspection and figuring out what went wrong with your relationship, think of what all you can do to rectify your mistakes. For now, don’t bother about what your wife did or what your expectations are.
Open up communication channels with her and try to have some heart-to-heart talk. Apologize for your mistakes and tell her your intention to reform. Leave it at that. Don’t ask for a reciprocal action from her. If she finds your overtures genuine, she will do that on her own. It is better the apologies and promises are voluntary and not forced.
3. Learn to listen
Women are typically more intuitive than men. They tend to hear the unsaid words and see the hidden meanings. And, some women expect the same from you. If your intuition is not as developed or you were preoccupied, you may have missed many signals from her.
If you genuinely want to, you can teach yourself to listen and hone your intuitive skills. Maybe all she wanted was an “I love you” or a kiss or an “I am here for you”. Unfortunately, you missed it and your relationship is in shambles. Don’t trivialize her need for reassurance. All you need to do is learn to see it from her perspective.
4. Learn to be consistent and patient
Make sure that your actions and reactions are consistent. Or else you will end up confusing your partner about what to expect from you.
And, give her space and time to think about the relationship and arrive at a decision. Pestering and forcing her into getting back together may work for a short time but in the long run, the relationship will again fall apart.
5. Be positive
Irrespective of how she takes your gestures for reconciliation, stay positive. There is more chance for you to get her back this way. She may get defensive, ignore you, or be rude to you. Learn to take this in your stride and continue to woo her without losing your positive mindset.
6. Don’t rake up the past
If you are looking for reconciliation, you can gain nothing by going back in time and try to fix the responsibility for all the fights fought and the harsh words said. Let history remain in the past.
To get back your wife after separation, you should be willing to start afresh. Your wife may bring up these things from the past. Be patient and calm and make your stand clear. Given time, she will come around,
7. Don’t give up
“As long as you have hope, everything can get better.” – Chris Colfer
Go all out in your efforts to woo her back. Or else you may regret it later. Try every tactic and every approach you can think of. Leave no stone unturned. Fight for her love and respect as if it is the only thing you want to accomplish in this life. If anything will impress her, this should.
Love can wither away without regular care and proper nurturing. Stay optimistic, consistent, and above all patient. If you feel your efforts are not fruitful, you can seek help from a marriage counselor.
You may also want to take a look at our guide on how to make relationship strong with boyfriend.