Ever wondered about the consequences of turning down a narcissist? Don’t be fooled into thinking that a narcissist’s ego is indestructible. Despite their exterior, rejection is like a kryptonite to them. Though a narcissist will never admit it outright, rejection is a source of fear, dread, and intense dislike for them.
Let’s face it – nobody enjoys feeling rejected. It’s a tough and sensitive experience that can stir up deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. However, for narcissists, even the smallest rejection can feel like the ultimate betrayal.
Curious about what unfolds when you decide to ignore and reject a narcissist? Let’s explore the dynamics of that scenario.
Does a narcissist find rejection hurtful?
The short answer is “yes”.
If you go for a more detailed and nuanced explanation, rejection affects narcissists in ways that they usually keep hidden.
Wondering how a narcissist handle rejection? Well, they tend to stick to their usual reactions, like getting angry, becoming defensive, denying the situation, and projecting blame onto others. Essentially, they turn mean and vindictive instead of trying to grasp the reasons behind the rejection.
This underscores the importance of grasping the intricate contradictions of narcissism. These individuals are undeniably self-centered, seeing themselves as superior to others. Narcissists operate under the belief that they have the right to have anything they desire and don’t have to follow the rules.
How well does a narcissist handle rejection?
This might get you thinking, “It is as if they thrive on all the negativity! Do they even care if people dislike them?”
We’re familiar with how much a narcissist enjoys a good argument and a chance to prove their point. It’s no secret that often they come off as if they don’t give a second thought to other people.
But let’s consider this behavior as a kind of shield. Sure, narcissists love attention and admiration, but being narcissists, they can’t stand the idea of feeling belittled, criticized, or controlled. That intense reaction you often see is their way of protecting their ego—they just can’t tolerate someone attacking it.
Even that seemingly cool and nonchalant attitude is often just a front. It’s a last-ditch attempt to pretend that all the negativity isn’t affecting them. Behind that facade, there’s a good possibility narcissists are wrestling with inner struggles and secretly plotting the next move to seek revenge.
Does a narcissist handle rejection well?
When their self-esteem feels threatened, people tend to go into defense mode. In the world of narcissism, this defensive attitude is known as Narcissistic Injury, where any real or perceived threat to their grandiose self-image (often referred to as the Pseudo Self) triggers a response.
Narcissists don’t just stop at feeling injured; they often follow up with what’s known as Narcissistic Rage. Interestingly, this rage isn’t a stress response but rather a response to perceived slights, insults, criticisms, or disagreements — all seen by the narcissist as gestures of rejection.
Dealing with Narcissistic Injury may lead individuals with narcissistic traits to act out aggressively. This aggressive behavior, termed Narcissistic Rage, can sometimes escalate to violence and assault. The rage that surfaces in response to blame and criticism may be directed outward at others or turned inward toward the self.
A narcissist has diverse ways of responding to such situations, but almost every reaction involves abuse or manipulation in some form or the other. Let’s explore five ways in which rejection is handled by narcissists.
1. Gaslight
“I never thought we were getting serious either; it was just about having a wonderful time.”
“Wait, hold up! I didn’t say that. How could you even think I’d accuse you of anything like that?”
“Honestly, I’m cool with whatever we usually do. It’s just that I thought that’s what you were into.”
Ever heard of gaslighting? It’s when someone tries to mess with your head and make you doubt and question your reality. They might play down things, tell lies, or twist stories. Sometimes, it’s super obvious, but some folks are sneaky about it.
Gaslighting is typically the go-to move for a narcissist. They whip it out when they’re feeling awkward, humiliated, or caught by surprise.
Imagine this: a narcissist experiences rejection, so they pull out the gaslighting card. Suddenly, they act like they don’t give a darn about being rejected, or they insist you’re making a big deal out of nothing. Narcissists might even straight-up deny doing anything to cause the rejection. It’s wild, right?
2. Defame
“Seems like she’s done trying in our relationship, and it’s a bit disheartening.”
“I’ve noticed he’s been hitting the bottle more often lately. Maybe I should’ve mentioned it earlier, you know?”
“My gut says she might have been unfaithful to me, and it’s tearing me apart.”
You know, some folks with narcissistic tendencies might go on a smear campaign when they feel rejected, whether real or imagined. Narcissists may try to paint themselves as the victims, often by making up stories about you and your behavior.
These narcissists aren’t just content discrediting you in front of family or friends; they might go the extra mile to tarnish your reputation at the workplace, in court, in society, and with your future partners.
This whole smearing thing is basically revenge. When narcissists sense rejection, they feel exposed and embarrassed. So, to deal with those tough emotions, they resort to what feels familiar: lash out and cause pain to others. Tough stuff, huh?
3. Insincere apologies
“Sorry for that. Won’t let it happen again!”
“Oops, my bad. Can I get a do-over?”
“Sorry if you’re taking it hard.”
Ever noticed how these apologies sound? That’s because they’re what you’d call fake apologies. They’re missing that genuine sense of owning up to things.
You see, folks with a touch of narcissism? They lack empathy and sensitivity. Narcissists are not too bothered about whether their moves might sting or go way overboard. It’s all about what suits them best, and the ‘sorry’ bit is just a quick fix to get back in the driver’s seat.
4. Abrupt breakup
When faced with rejection, some narcissists choose to completely cut ties. Instead of taking time for self-reflection, they dive headfirst into another relationship, showcasing their seemingly vibrant new life on the internet and social media platforms. With this move, narcissists are trying to portray a swift rebound, attempting to evoke jealousy and convincing themselves you’re not important to them and they don’t need you.
However, don’t be fooled by the facade; this display of moving forward is often a charade. Behind the scenes, a narcissist may still be grappling with unresolved emotions. Their abrupt silence and avoidance are, in a twisted way, a way to punish you.
By shutting you out, narcissists believe they’re causing you distress. Strangely enough, this might be a somewhat positive outcome, making it easier for you to cut ties.
5. Generous and accommodating
“I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and I finally gathered the courage to put forth the big question: Will you be my partner in life and love?”
“Yeah, you’re right. Our current place isn’t cutting it. Let’s house hunt this weekend and find a better spot.”
“I’ve decided to go in for therapy. Would you be up for joining me in the first appointment?”
Some folks with a bit of a self-centered streak might respond to rejection with full disclosure of their flaws and mistakes. It’s a tactic to make amends and yield to your wishes.
Sure, it sounds promising at first. You may want to think that a narcissist can change, and when they genuinely try to do better things, optimism kicks in.
But here’s the catch: their changes aren’t coming from a place of goodwill. It’s not to make you happy; it’s about maintaining the current state of affairs. Narcissists are savvy – they’re aware of your weakness and know fully well ways to charm and delight you.
So, if they suddenly start making grandiose promises about your future together, be cautious. Desperation might be at play. Sometimes, a tiny part of their mind may want to transform, but personality disorders are pretty stubborn and inflexible.
Sadly, giving them one more chance usually leads to more letdowns. You’ll likely end up frustrated and embittered when they don’t follow through, and there’s that pang of embarrassment for having believed them to begin with.
How will a narcissist react when faced with sexual rejection?
In matters about sex, narcissists can have some pretty extreme attitudes. There are two main types: the hyperactive narcissists (somatic), and the hypoactive narcissists (cerebral).
The hyperactive ones, whether they’re guys super-focused on sculpting their bodies or gals going for numerous plastic surgeries, rely heavily on their outside appearance and try to charm and win others over. On the flip side, hypoactive narcissists are all about attracting others with their smarts and personalities. They might flaunt their impressive accolades or successful businesses to capture someone’s attention.
But here’s the twist – while they may excel at attracting people, some narcissists consider sex as demoralizing or sometimes even below them. It’s like they judge folks for getting all impulsive or primitive. So, if they turn down your advances, they might flip it around, insisting that they didn’t want sex to begin with.
And if a narcissist does initiate sex, it’s not about building intimacy with you. Nope, it’s usually all about enhancing their own pleasure. You, for that moment, become the ticket to their pleasure town. If they’re out to attract a new narcissistic supply, they might consider sex as a “win”, like they’ve accomplished a mission.
But wait, there’s more. For some narcissists, sex is also a power play. Seduction becomes a tool for manipulation and control, explaining why they’re drawn to chasing potential partners or diving into extramarital affairs. It’s like sex becomes this enticing game, helping them prove that they’re worthy and superior to others. Wild, huh?
Does a narcissist handle rejection well in intimate situations? Not too great, unfortunately. They might resort to a variety of harmful behaviors, such as:
- Accusing their partner of being uptight, selfish, or unkind.
- Minimizing or outright denying their interest in intimacy.
- Refusing sex as a way to punish their partner.
- Being unfaithful to their partner.
- Blaming the partner for relationship issues.
- Guilt-tripping the partner by expressing feelings of rejection or abandonment.
- Ignoring the partner for extended periods.
- Threatening to use damaging information against their partner.
- Resorting to physical force and committing sexual assault.
It’s important to recognize and address these behaviors in any relationship.
What can you expect when you reject a narcissist?
It’s natural for the narcissist in your life to feel like they deserve special treatment. From the perspective provided by their inflated ego, it’s all about others adapting to their needs and even giving in to their whims. On top of that, they crave constant adoration and validation. Even though they might seem super confident, their egotistic minds are surprisingly fragile. So, if anything or anyone threatens their needs, they automatically assume they’re getting the boot.
When faced with rejection, narcissistic rage becomes their go-to reaction. This rage isn’t your run-of-the-mill anger – it’s a full-on explosion involving extreme rage, paranoia, avoidance, and passive-aggressiveness. It’s all about narcissistic injury, where the narcissist feels insecure, challenged, or ridiculed. It’s like their ego hits a nerve, and the fireworks start.
What should you do after rebuffing a narcissist?
You’ve been really resilient through the tough times, navigating the heartache and pain caused by narcissistic abuse. It’s commendable how you’re working hard to move forward and heal. But here’s the thing – these individuals just won’t let up. They’re persistent in trying to draw you back to the relationship.
So, what goes down when you turn down a narcissist’s attempts to reconnect?
Initially, they try to ramp up their efforts. If they used to call you weekly once, brace yourself for multiple calls in a single week. Maybe they sent flowers before? Well, next month, you might find flowers accompanied by a box of chocolates.
Their strategy, known as hoovering, aims to make you believe that rejecting them was a mistake. It’s crucial to recognize that every hoovering move is a ploy to get you back. So, in the future, if you start thinking they’re sincere, remind yourself that their goal is to make you doubt your decision to leave. They would like you to believe that things will not be the same this time around.
Remember, if you respond to their tactics, you’re giving them what they want – attention. For most narcissists, there isn’t any difference between wanted and unwanted attention. It’s a bit like dealing with a toddler; they’ll take whatever they can find.
Will the No-Contact rule work when rejecting a narcissist?
For someone with narcissistic personality disorder, getting rejected can feel like the biggest betrayal ever, and the idea of going no-contact can seem strange and unimaginable. When you decide to pause or end the relationship with a narcissist, it’s a way of distancing yourself from their harmful behavior.
This can be quite unsettling for the narcissist because, in their view, they think you should consider yourself lucky to be with them. They struggle to comprehend why you want to walk away from the relationship.