We always think of narcissists as the ones in charge of any situation. So, if they discarded you, they did it because that is what they wanted. Then, why worry about it?
Do narcissists actually worry after discarding their narcissistic supply (that is you)?
The surprising answer is “yes”. By some strange and twisted turn of events, narcissists feel an array of negative emotions after discarding their supply. And, this includes apprehension and worrying.
This article explores the topic of narcissistic discard and comes up with reasons why a narcissist worries after discarding you. Here, you will also find how to cope with narcissist discard.
What is meant by narcissistic discard?
Narcissistic discard is the term used to describe a situation when a narcissistic individual ends their relationship with you. The way they break up with you will make you feel as if you’re discarded after use as you are no longer useful to them.
“Discard” is the last stage of a narcissistic relationship. Here is a brief overview of the different stages of a narcissistic relationship.
Appreciation: This forms the pinnacle of the relationship when the narcissist will worship the ground you walk on. You can do nothing wrong and are the most special person in their life.
Depreciation: The narcissist is disillusioned by you and can find only faults with you. You are often gaslighted, blamed, compared to others, and subjected to other forms of narcissistic abuse.
Repetition: In this stage, though you are fed up with narcissistic abuse, you find yourself bending over backward to live up to the narcissist’s expectations. You’re anxious, confused, and depressed, all the while trying to keep up. If you decide to end it all, the narcissist will go back to square one. The stages of appreciation and depreciation will be repeated.
Discard: Once a narcissist finds a better supply or feels you are no longer a viable narcissistic supply, they may discard you.
Some of the common reasons for narcissist discard are:
- They can’t keep you in control.
- You’re too easy to control that there’s no excitement in it.
- You’re no longer feeding their ego. So, they search for a better supply.
- You’re not helping them in the pursuit of their life goals.
- They’ve found someone better and want to move up the ladder.
3 Reasons why a narcissist worries after discarding you
Narcissists often leave or discard you abruptly without any warning or notice. While you are trying to make sense of what is happening and where you have fallen short, surprisingly the narcissist also goes through some tough times.
Ultimately, you will decide to accept the situation, put the relationship behind you, and move ahead in life. But for the narcissist, it is never easy. Narcissist regrets discard. They may start rueing their decision to walk out on you and start worrying. This triggers the narcissist to want you back.
Here are some of the common reasons why narcissists worry after dumping you.
1. They fear losing their supply.
You have been the narcissist’s supply for some time now. Narcissists cannot survive without feeding their ego and without you, they’ll starve. With you gone, their false facade will be exposed and their masks will come off. The entire world will see them for who they are.
While you and the rest of the world may recognize the false narrative of a narcissist, the narcissist is unaware of the real situation. Neither do they recognize their need for a narcissistic supply nor their desperation to maintain their false narrative. Narcissists are not aware that they are using others for supply and believe that this make-believe world is real.
2. Their backup failed to come through.
Often narcissists will discard you when they find someone else better or more compliant. As you’ve been with them for some time now, you’ve started resisting their narcissistic behavior. You’re trying to wrest back control from them and break free.
Though this is understandable from your perspective, this will put the narcissist’s scheme in jeopardy. You are a viable supply to them only if they can have you under control. They managed to find one which showed much more promise. So, they discarded you.
However, with you gone, the narcissist is shocked to discover that the new supply is nowhere as good as you; even the new rebellious version of you. This makes the narcissist regret their decision to discard you. The narcissist regrets losing you. But now it’s too late to go back and they worry about their future.
3. Without supply, they can’t recognize themselves anymore.
The narcissist thought they had the bases covered and the next supply lined up when they discarded you with all the arrogance and contempt they could muster. However, their plans fell through like a house of cards. They find themselves with no victim for narcissistic abuse.
They find themselves in a state of terror. They feel totally lost and not the same person anymore. As they find themselves not in control of the situation, they are confused and disoriented. Their fragile egos are in tatters. A narcissist wants to feel wanted.
Neither can they calm themselves down nor can they process their feelings and thoughts logically. They are unable to even express what they want clearly.
For any person, this can be traumatizing, not to mention a troubled soul like a narcissistic individual. They will be clutching at straws to reverse the damage. They are worried sick about their future.
How does a narcissist deal with their worry about discard?
Narcissists find themselves blind with rage and have a hard time thinking straight. They tend to lash out in any way they can without considering the consequences.
Here are a few common tactics to deal with the situation when a narcissist worries after discarding you.
- They smear your reputation.
- They try to take back control.
- They paint you as an idiot, lunatic, or a liar.
- They take legal action against you to bring you down.
- They threaten to expose you, even if you have nothing to hide.
- They make abusive calls/texts or letters.
- They threaten you with physical harm.
- They stalk you to instill fear in you.
Now, after discarding you, it’s a matter of survival for a narcissist. Regaining access to their narcissistic supply is vital for the survival of their personality.
How can you cope with narcissistic discard?
When you get dumped by a narcissist, the best way forward is to consider it as a blessing and get on with life. But if you are finding this hard or aren’t ready for this, you have more choices before you to choose from.
- Get back in touch with your real self; who you were before you had the misfortune to meet the narcissist. Try to understand what you really want in life and work towards getting them.
- Try to relearn how to build a healthy relationship and how it works.
- Keep the company of people who love you and whom you love. Surround yourself with true well-wishers. This will help you overcome feeling isolated and lonely.
- Learn how to cope with stress and anxiety and make the best of the situation you find yourselves in.
- When you have regained your balance, reflect on what attracted you to this narcissistic person. This is vital so as not to repeat the same mistake.
When you are in a relationship with a narcissistic person for a long time, you tend to lose your identity and forget who you really are. You find yourself twisting your reality and ignoring your own needs. Ultimately, you end up creating a new identity for yourself.
When a narcissist discards you, you will feel traumatized at losing this newly-forged identity. You depended on this person to define you and your self-image and self-esteem.
Though this can be extremely traumatizing for you, once you learn to cope and find your balance, you will realize that you are better off without this narcissistic person in your life. Once you heal the wounds of narcissistic abuse and the pains of being discarded, you will find yourself in a better space.