If you are the daughter of a narcissistic mother, you may be struggling with a variety of problems in your life.
Narcissistic mothers often put their daughters down, make them feel inferior, and compete with them. As a result, daughters of narcissistic mothers may struggle with self-esteem issues, trust issues, and difficulty forming relationships.
If you are the daughter of a narcissistic mother, it is important to understand the signs and symptoms of narcissistic parenting so that you can begin to heal and reclaim your life. Here are 10 symptoms of daughters of narcissistic mothers.
Symptoms of Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
Narcissistic parents can have short-term and long-term influences on their daughters.
1. You believe you can belong only if you abide by the rules.
This is exactly what narcissistic parents have been drilling into the minds of their daughters from the time they were born. If going by the rules necessitates sacrifices, you should do it without a murmur, preferably with a smile on your lips. At any cost, you have to be a good daughter.
You may feel uncomfortable in the situation. Or lose your sense of identity in the process. Your boundaries may also be violated.
2. You consider love as conditional.
This is something you are trained to believe as the daughter of a narcissistic parent. You will get approval and love from her only if you comply with her demands and rules and be a good daughter.
This can be traumatizing for you when you were young. As you grow older, this will create trouble for you when you form relationships with others. With a narcissistic mother, your self-image and self-worth will be low and flawed.
3. You give more importance to appearances.
Something that a narcissistic parent will make you believe is that the image you project decides how others value you. No one is interested to know who you really are. You need to put all your efforts into how others perceive you.
This will make you focus on your physical appearance and accomplishments. In the process, you ignore working on your core self. You never learn to show the world your authentic self. You believe that others value you for what you can offer them. This is bound to adversely affect your future relationships.
4. You accept narcissistic abuse and manipulation as normal.
All your life your narcissistic mother has subjected you to verbal and emotional abuse. This will make you treat narcissistic abuse as normal behavior. When you’re subjected to abuse in future relationships, you accept it without protest. This can have far-reaching consequences for you.
The same can be said about manipulation as well. You feel that to get love and approval, you need to offer something in return. You have never known the concept of unconditional love that most people learn from their mothers.
5. You blame yourself when anything goes wrong.
You won’t even consider that it can be the fault of the other person. Your narcissistic parent has always blamed you whenever something goes wrong, irrespective of whose fault it is. You just continue to do it with yourself.
This can make life hell for you in the future. If you end up with a partner who understands this trait in you and exploits it, you will find it hard to recover from this malady. You will be extremely low on self-belief and self-esteem. You will lose your sense of identity and consider yourself worthless.
6. You always try to please others.
Your narcissistic mother demanded that you do only things to please her and be a good daughter. This turned you into a people-pleasing personality. Every time you make a misstep, your mother will make you suffer and put you in your place. So, you developed the tendency to anticipate the needs of others and go by them and never antagonize them.
Your people-pleasing personality may get you into trouble in your future relationships. If you get a partner who is exploitative and manipulative, you will never manage to get over this. You will keep giving without expecting anything in return. And such people will continue to exploit your good nature.
7. You will continue to chase love all your life.
Seeking love and acceptance is inherent in all of us. Since you never received affection from your mother, love will be the most important element you seek in every relationship.
Having a narcissist for a mother makes life hard for you in every aspect. You are subjected to narcissistic abuse, neglect, and lack of emotional support from a very young age. This will make you question the existence of love and your safety in every relationship. This is bound to have a major impact on how your life pans out.
8. You are always seeking validation.
Having a hard-to-please narcissistic parent will make you seek approval in all your relationships. You constantly feel unwanted, unworthy, and unaccepted. You are always trying to be her good daughter.
Even when you find someone who finally can appreciate you for who you are, you will constantly seek reassurance and validation from them. They may find this annoying and walk away from you.
9. You may suffer from poor health as a consequence.
All the mental trauma you go through as a result of the behavioral anomalies of your narcissistic parent may adversely impact your mental as well as physical health.
Some of the common fallouts include personality disorders, anxiety disorders, and eating disorders. Again, these may lead to more health issues.
10. You may display a narcissistic personality.
You were the victim of the narcissistic behavior of your mother. Like any child picking up habits and behavior from their parents, you may absorb the same negative narcissistic traits from your mother.
“If you can’t beat them, join them.”
Common narcissistic traits of a mother with NPD
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a medical condition requiring medical diagnosis. The most common narcissistic traits of a person with NPD are
- Exaggerated sense of self-importance
- Dealing with only equals
- Sense of entitlement and thirst for attention and respect
- Superiority complex without talents or accomplishments to warrant it
- Arrogance, domineering, envious, and lack of empathy
- Tendency to belittle and take advantage of others, expect special favors, and want only the best
Though these are the visible narcissistic traits of a person with NPD, deep inside they are insecure and have trouble handling criticism. They
- Get angry and impatient when they cannot have their way
- Easily feel annoyed and slighted and have trouble controlling their emotions
- Treat people they perceive as inferiors with contempt
- Have a hard time adjusting to changes and dealing with stress
- Feel moody, depressed, vulnerable, and shameful when they cannot be perfect
- Suffer from interpersonal problems
Self-centered, lacking in empathy, verbally aggressive, and lacking the ability to understand how their own behavior impacts others – it’s tough luck to end up with narcissistic mothers. They play favorites, compare you with others, guilt-trip you, and ignore your boundaries.
A narcissistic parent becomes angry if she feels you are stealing her limelight or threatening her superiority. She expects you to praise her and give her due credit for raising you to be a good daughter.
Final thoughts on daughters of narcissistic mothers
As you have been under the influence of your narcissistic mother all your life, it will be difficult for you to come out of it on your own. Seek the help of a trusted friend. If this is not yielding results, you shouldn’t hesitate to get professional help.
Counseling can do a world of good for you and help you overcome your constraints, anxieties, and fears.