One thing a narcissist is good at is making you miserable. Can you turn the tables on a narcissist?
If you had been at the receiving end of narcissistic abuse, you would be excited at the prospect of getting back at your tormentor. But in the process of exacting revenge, will you get caught in the melee or suffer any consequences? Read on to learn how to make a narcissist miserable.
If you are in a relationship with a person suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder, you are the victim of narcissistic abuse, while your partner wields all the power and calls all the shots. Your narcissistic partner will be in total control of the relationship as well as yourself, not allowing you any space or freedom to live your life.
So, you may ask how it is possible to make the narcissistic partner feel miserable. With no power or control, you may doubt your ability to carry out this plan.
You would be surprised to know that you have both power and control over your tormentor, if only you care to realize and use it. Let’s see what you can do to make a narcissist miserable.
7 simple ways to make a narcissist miserable
1. Know your strengths
Do you realize how a narcissist keeps you under their absolute control when you can actually walk away from them? They use intimidation and fear to prevent you from speaking out and questioning their actions. They will keep you in ignorance about your rights and powers so that you won’t rise in rebellion against them.
Often as a victim of narcissistic abuse, you don’t even realize the tactics adopted by your partner to keep you in check. So, if you want to pay them back in the same coin, you should start by recognizing your own strengths as well as weaknesses. Knowing more about yourself will help you identify how your partner is exploiting you.
The more you are aware of yourself, your relationship, and your narcissistic partner, the better equipped you will be to retaliate.
2. Disregard their negative behavior
You may think that this is easier said than done. It’s true in some ways but you can manage this with practice. Do you know that it is your reaction to the narcissistic behavior that provides a narcissistic supply to a narcissist? Once you cut this off, you’re no longer their victim. It’s as simple as that.
Despite the brilliance of this scheme, it looks better in theory and is hard to practice. As you can use this to turn the tables on the narcissist, it is worth the effort.
The core desire of a narcissist is to maintain the focus on themselves, even if the attention is arising from negative actions. So, you can deny them the pleasure of causing pain to you by ignoring their hurtful words and behavior. This way, you can lower their self-esteem even further.
You need to be aware that this strategy may backfire on you in the short term. To get your attention, the narcissist may up their bad behavior, making life worse for you. However, if you can manage to hold your ground and continue ignoring them, they will slip from their strong position and lose control over you.
3. Stick with the truth
Narcissists are known to bend facts and truth to suit their narrative. They are good at inventing stories with colorful language, amplified emotions, and embellished incidents. However, they invariably feature in every story as the hero.
So, when you want to make a narcissist miserable, do exactly the opposite of what makes them happy. Ensure that you are sticking to facts and figures, thereby denying them the opportunity to dispute your story.
For instance, if your partner went shopping and you noticed various essentials missing, you may try pointing out in a matter-of-fact manner what all are missing despite being on the shopping list. On the other hand, if you fly off the handle and accuse your partner of being selfish, you’re being the perfect narcissistic supply.
Even though a narcissist may not accept their mistake or apologize, this reaction of yours will deflate their ego for sure.
4. Learn to say “No”
This simple word can cause serious damage to the ego of a narcissist. As they are used to bullying you around, when you decide to stand up to them, it can be a severe jolt to their confidence and self-esteem. Their fragile ego will crumble like a pack of cards.
Something a narcissist cannot tolerate is others standing up to them. When you set boundaries and say “no” when they violate them, a narcissist will consider it as the most severe form of insult. It is as if you have rejected them. This is bound to make them feel miserable.
The narcissist may get back at you with all their might. No matter how much pressure they pile on you, don’t relent and say “yes”. Even if it makes you uncomfortable, stick to your guns.
5. Carry through your threats
Make sure that you keep your word no matter what the consequences are. Especially if you’ve given them threats or ultimatums.
For instance, whenever a narcissist is transgressing your personal boundaries, you may say, “If you continue speaking to me in that disrespectful tone, I am leaving. When you’ve cooled down, let me know. We can continue our talk.”
However, this threat is effective only when you enforce it. Or else, the narcissist will just use this as another weapon to mock and deride you. So, the next time when your partner talks you down or is disrespectful to you, you need to follow through with your ultimatum. You need to walk out of the conversation.
When you’re consistent in your actions and stick to your words, the narcissist will feel their power erode. When they cannot get away with their narcissistic ways, it will deflate their ego and make them feel miserable.
6. Be better than them in at least one thing
This is not so hard as narcissists typically inflate their skills and talents. They consider themselves superior to everyone including you at everything. All you need to do is find a way to prove otherwise. That would be like pricking their ego balloon.
Be it in sports, crafts, or learning a language, beat them at it fair and square. A narcissist may try their best to devalue your achievements, but use facts to make it evident to them. For instance, beat your partner in tennis or get someone to establish your better skills at speaking a foreign language.
A narcissist will take this as a direct assault on their ego as they cannot absorb the concept of you being better than them at anything. In their mind, they are always superior. If you can manage to prove your superiority over them beyond doubt, the narcissist’s entire world will come crashing down. This will make them feel wretched beyond measure.
7. Ask them to commit to something
In a regular relationship, showing your commitment is the best way to prove your love and affection to your partner. However, for a narcissist, the word “commitment” is anathema. It’s something they cannot tolerate. In other words, it makes them feel miserable.
If you want to make a narcissist miserable, make them follow your rules or way of life. This can be simple everyday events like choosing what to cook or where to eat or bigger decisions such as getting married, having a baby, or buying a house. Narcissists have a hard time accepting someone else as the decision-maker. They always like to be in charge.
Getting a narcissist to toe your line may not be an easy task. For this, you can bring out all your magic and charm to mesmerize them into agreeing with you. That is going to be hard work and worth it only if you are planning to stay with the narcissist for the long term.
If things are bad for you now, be aware that it will get worse in the coming years. So, before you put in this much effort, ask yourself whether you’re up for a lifelong commitment with a narcissist.
Some more strategies to make a narcissist miserable
Not all tactics work for everyone or every relationship. You need to use your intuition to figure out which one suits you best. In case, none of the above plans look right for you, here are a few more for you to consider.
- Don’t allow the narcissist to spoil your other relationships. Enjoy them as much as you can. Seeing you happy will make them feel miserable.
- Take steps to build your confidence levels.
- Use evasive tactics to avoid getting into dramatic situations. Keep your own reactions calm and subdued.
- Keep your interactions with the miserable narcissist minimal and muted. In fact, try to be as boring as possible.
- Celebrate your accomplishments, successes, and virtues with others.
- Don’t entertain or encourage the narcissist’s cronies and supporters.
- Sever all ties with the narcissist when the going gets tough. With this, you are cutting off their narcissistic supply, thus rendering you worthless to them.
- Treat them the same way they treat you.
- Learn to be happy despite their presence. And, make it evident.
- Ensure that your empathy is not misplaced. Don’t allow yourself to feel sad for someone with a narcissistic personality disorder.
Seek professional help, if possible couples therapy. But, come what may, don’t let go of the opportunity to get your revenge.
Final thoughts on how to make a narcissist miserable
You can use this as a morale-boosting exercise for yourself. Not only can you keep the narcissistic abuse in check, but you can also feel more confident and regain your self-worth.
However, you need to remember that mind games can be exhausting for you. There is no point in taking this much effort to outsmart the miserable narcissist, only to walk out of the relationship.
A narcissist may live in a fantasy world and drag you there with them forcefully. That doesn’t mean you have to live there. It’s your choice to break free. How and when is something you have to decide.