Tips For Setting Boundaries with Toxic Parents

Do you have a toxic parent?

The family has a huge impact on how a child turns out as an adult. From the general perception of the world and their behavior to self-image, self-worth, confidence, and their ability to deal with adversities, all aspects of an individual are impacted by parenting, both good and bad.

Unfortunately, as a child, you are helpless in the fact that you cannot choose your parents. Nor do you have any control over them. On the contrary, the reverse is true in most cases. As a child, you are dependent on your parents for your survival.

Don’t worry, all is not lost. Let’s see whether you have toxic parent/s. 

Toxicity in parenting is not well-defined for a reason. Each child and each parent are different. This makes each parent-child relationship unique. What works for some may be toxic to others. Despite this, certain behaviors can be classified as toxic no matter the kind of relationship between the two.

Parents too are human beings and they may make mistakes and have good days and bad ones. They may raise their voice, make unreasonable demands, and do things that can potentially harm their child. All these don’t make them toxic parents. They are just being human. Remember the saying? To err is human….

Here are some signs to look out for to identify the real toxic parents.

• Selfish and self-centered behavior
• Tendency to control the lives of their wards
• Abuse, both physical and verbal
• Manipulative behavior and neglect
• Emotional blackmail, unreasonable demands, constant criticism
• Unwillingness to listen and take responsibility
• Disregard for your feelings and needs
• Unwillingness to admit their mistakes or apologize
• Absence of boundaries

This kind of behavior may continue even after the child enters adulthood. If you do nothing about it, it can cause permanent damage to your mindset, your relationships, and the way you live your life.

How to deal with toxic parents?

To escape toxic parents is not easy if you are still a child and you need their support for survival. So, it is not productive to consider how to get away from toxic parents. Instead, you can form strategies to deal with toxic parents when you live with them.

Whether you have to deal with manipulative parents of adults or children, the guidelines remain somewhat the same. As you cannot change their behavior, you have to think in terms of how to protect yourself from the side effects of toxic parents in adulthood.

One of the most significant damages of toxic parenting is that the child is unable to take charge of their own lives. They are always waiting for permission from their parents for every single thing. In worst scenarios, a child would even seek permission to escape from their clutches.

The first step in the journey towards freedom is to acknowledge and accept that you deserve to be free and you don’t need to seek your parent’s permission.

Just the fact that you are reading this article is a positive sign. This means you understand that there is something wrong with your relationship with your parent/s and you want to do something about it. Use that as a starting point and work towards your freedom.

Here are some ways to free yourself from the influence of toxic parents.

• Stop seeking approval and permission.
• Stop trying to please them.
• Detach from them. This means stop reacting, stop feeling responsible for their feelings, and stop taking things personally. 
• Assert yourself, set firm boundaries with parents, and enforce them.
• Be aware of things you share with them.
• Don’t try to reason with them or change them.
• Know their boundaries and limitations and accommodate them if you find this necessary.
• Stop adjusting your daily life to suit your parent’s demands.
• Focus on yourself and heal your wounds.
• Take good care of your needs and desires.
• Devise your own exit strategy.

None of the above suggestions will come easy for a child who has been under influence of a negative parent all their life. It is all the more difficult if you have already reached adulthood. You will feel scared and your parents will put up stiff resistance. 

You need to remind yourself that these are tough but necessary steps you need to take to enjoy a happy and fulfilling life. This is your only path to freedom.